All of this svcks. And you are doing unbelievably well for how new this all is.
At this point, you need to focus on yourself and your kids, and making sure that this whole process is done properly and that you get what you are entitled to. My sitch is a little bit older than yours, but we are in a similar place as far as the legal process.
One thing I am working really hard on is not allowing my emotions to get in the way of the business side of things. Because I know that if I somehow get less than I am entitled to because I feel guilty, or I am trying to be amicable, or not make my H mad, or whatever, I am going to feel raped and will probably be resentful about it for a long, long time. It's really important to think big picture. And remember that you can't believe anything your H says or does - and certainly do not count on him to take you, your future or your feelings into account.
I know it totally svcks to think that way, but it's the only way.
Good for you for telling your H that you won't be moving. There is no reason for you to move now other than to make his life easier. He made the choice, let him feel the consequence. Please do NOT feel guilty when he cries. It's not up to you to move to another state so that he can have the R he wants with the kids - he needs to figure that out on his own.
And please do not feel badly about taking money out of the account to pay for the lawyer. I know how you feel - I have been doing the same thing. I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be sneaky, I don't want to be untrusting or look out for myself to his determent. No, no, no. You do what you need to do for yourself and your kids, and do not feel badly about it!
(Can you tell I am lecturing to myself here too?)
I hope that IC will help you. I find that it helps me to jot things down during the week that are bothering me, because it seems that most of the time when I go to IC, I'm feeing OK in the moment and forget what it was that made me so distraught 6 hours ago.
Hang in there, mama!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
