I like Wonka's approach. It will keep you from being in the middle. Both boys are old enough to speak to him directly. It will also help with any response you may have. Right now, you are too worried about what and how to say/respond back to H. IMO, that is not good for YOU.

Keep any communication short and to the point. I remember struggling with this for a while. It finally got to the point where my best response was a "yes" or "no". Anything more than that was leaving a door open for an argument of some sort.


Also, you do not always have to respond to him.

"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans