Well, it began 7 years ago. I had left a relationship of 17 years(no marriage), because I was having an affair with another woman. The affair was with someone I thought I wanted to be with, ended up it didn't work out. I was still commingled somehow with both of these woman when I met my wife. I was in a bad point in my life when I met my wife, I was still somewhat involved with the OW(2) when I met my W. We had started dating and we were seeing each other for about 3 months when everything collided and all heck broke loose. All I had to do was tell the other 2 it was over and I didn't. I ended up cheating on myW(to be), well it was a little rocky for a day or 2, but I convinced her to give me another chance. Now, back to the beginning, I was in a 17 year relationship, and I had a 1 time A with a woman. After the 1 time, this woman and I became friends and have continued to talk, usually by email. Ok, now jump forward again. My W and I got married in 2008. I had not physically cheated or strayed in our 5 years of marriage, I thought I was being a good husband, all the time keeping this contact with this OW. Our emails at times were sexual in nature but nothing else ever happened. I shared things with this OW that I should have been talking to my wife about. Well, D day was Oct 8 2013. She found the emails on my work phone. For the first 2 months, I was in denial of what it was, and it seemed like I was still hiding things from my wife. Well, it turns out that I was having an EA, never heard of it, until now, and now I know all about it. The only time I ever conversed with the OW was at work. Never, at any other time. In my mind I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I guess since nothing else ever happened, I thought I could just explain it and it not be as bad. Now, I know different. After the initial shock, my wife wanted me to leave, but I convinced her to let me stay. We have 4 children, 3 are hers from previous relationships, and 1 we adopted. We started doing a lot of research, and going to C.we both did IC, but she quit after 1 session we had together. I have been doing everything to be transparent, but still she isn't feeling like she wants to work on the marriage. She feels like everything was fake and that all the love has been sucked out of her. I have tried to get her to get C, for her, not for us. I understand she needs to get to a place that she could even think about working on our marriage. I love my W, so much and I do not want to lose her or my family. She now wants to separate, she feels that she should be feeling more after 4 months, than she does. After everything I have read, I think she is expecting things to happen too fast. My heart is breaking, I know it's my fault and I could have stopped it, but it don't want to lose my wife! She is my everything. I dint want to leave , but it may be what she needs, and I need to think about her. She never mentioned divorce, except at the very beginning. So, I am not sure if I should be hopeful that she is maybe thinking she may just need time away from me? So, is there any way to save our marriage? Is there much of a chance to Reconcile after separation? I know I have hurt her so much, I want to be the one to make it all right for her! I know this rambles, but I wanted to get it all out there.
Ps, all contact was broke off, the day after she found out.
