W said its over - Said I can't change her mind

[Duds3]

My first post as I try to save my marriage. My story is below.

My W and I have been married 5 months and been together for 4 years. My second M her first. Im 32 she is 26, no kids involved. last year we lived apart due to my job location, 7 hours apart. I moved back to Tennessee when she couldn't get a job near me. she applied for one job and didn't get the job in Missouri. after that happened she told me to stay in Missouri and not to move back to her. we were engaged at this time. She didn't want me resenting her for moving back and changing careers. She told me she was done trying in the relationship and getting nothing in return. she even told me if I moved back to Tennessee she would never talk to me again. She then told me when I got a job in TN that it was time for her to support me and be by my side like before. I moved back in June and we got married in Sept. We never had any issues until around the start of Nov. Jan. 5 my W came to me and said she would be staying with a friend for a few days as things were not good with our marriage. She was right, things were miserable. Around the start of November my job began to get the best of me and put it before my W and took her and our marriage for granted. I was in a completely new job and field, went from being assistant college basketball coach to head high school coach, very different positions. I entered a crazy situation with a lot of up and downs and my job wore me down. I stopped socializing and working out tow things that we important to me and my W. There nights I would sleep on the couch and we wouldn't talk much if at all. basically three days would be good and three days would be bad. Our house was not a fun place to be to say the least. During this time I said some things in haste and anger that I should not have said. My W became very sarcastic in talking to me and I couldn't handle it. It would just make me more mad and frustrated with her. I was a bad H for two months, I didn't live up to my end of the deal to make my wife feel like the most important person in the world. I let her down.

On Jan. 5 when she told me she would be staying elsewhere she told me she was done trying and couldn't try anymore. She felt the urge to be by herself. As she was leaving I grabbed her and stopped her from leaving and we feel into the wall and she hit her shoulder pretty hard.

Jan. 7 we have dinner together and she stays at our house and we have a normal evening of watching TV and relaxing together.

Jan. 8 W text me to say she came back home to early, has never had such a desire to be by herself and doesn't want to lead me on.

Jan. 8 evening I confide in one of her best friends what is going on. The only reason I did this was to talk to a non-bias friend of ours. I needed an opinion as to what she thought was going on and what I should do. W has now cut her best friend off. Says she can never be friends with her again. She says she stabbed her in the back by trying to help me rather than my W. Says her friend was trying to help me catch her doing something.

Jan. 10 she attends one of my basketball games. Im eating with my mom after the game and she text me to tell my mom she is not being rude by not staying at our place and wants to know if Im mad she came to my game

Jan 11 I attend her game, W is assistant women's college basketball coach, after the game all is "normal". She stayed at our place that night.

jan 12 her sister and our niece and nephew come over to eat breakfast with us and my mother. W checked my phone while I was in restroom and read text messages I sent her friend about the situation. Everything is "normal" to me the rest of the day, W is engaging in regular behavior with me, laying on me, taking a nap with me. Later on that night she tells me she read the text messages and is so pissed it has put her over the top.

jan 13 she tells me she is over the M and if I asked her now she wants a D. Says if she tried right now to fix the M, she would be faking it and she is not going to be miserable.

jan 14 - jan 18 she stays at our place but told me she would be staying elsewhere if it wasn't an inconvenience to her friends. Says she can not handle me being emotional and has no desire to talk about the situation. During this time one night I read text messages on her phone. she told her grandma she wishes I would get a job somewhere else and move so she could start fresh and she made a mistake getting married. Told another friend she wants to be able to get a job and move wherever without having to worry about anyone else. Told the same friend in text, "he just said won by 5, almost blew a 16 point lead, cant wait to see you." I never said that to her!

jan 19 she tells me via text, there is no hope, this is the end, to get a lawyer. says she wants to be happy and being happy is by herself.

jan 20 she stays in the locker room at school

jan 21 I have a game she calls me after game and asks if both of us can stay at our house but one person sleep on couch another person sleep in the bed and she doesn't want to fight or argue or talk about the situation. I said cool you sleep on bed I will sleep on couch, no big deal. When I get home she has a breakdown. Saying she cant handle people coming at her, my mom text her about the situation telling her to fix the situation or just get out of my life, I don't know of any other people coming at her. We had a good convo and she went to sleep and I went to the couch. About 1:30 am she came to the couch and laid with me and said "don't think this means I know What I want and everything is all ok." I didn't say a word.

Jan 22 I went to MC by myself. we went to dinner

Jan 23, 24 she stays at our place and everything is normal. She is talking about our future, saying in a couple of months we can start to starting trying to have kids again, showing me houses to look at for sell, telling me she is sorry for being missing in action and apologizing for being a bad wife and not making any money, saying this is where I need to be as we were cuddling.

Jan 25 she has some friends in town I agree to meet them at a bar later on that night. I think she says something about us to one of her friends and I question her about it. She tells me that is not what was said and to stop being insecure and to just leave her alone. I pursue her talk about things and she tells me to quit following her around the bar and to stop talking to her. She is trying to get away from me and I hold her back and don't let her leave. The bouncers grab me and throw me out of the bar. it was an ugly scene, one that Im almost embarrassed to talk about. Nothing like that has ever happened to me like that before.

jan 26 I try to call an apologize to her but she wont answer so I text her and tell her how truly sorry I am. her response is to leave and I ruined any chance to fix the M. Told me I took away the only place in town she can go to have fun. I drive to her friends house where she was and apologized to her friend and to my W. She told me she didn't what was going to happen next but she didn't want to see me the rest of the week and that she wasn't kicking me out of the house but to just let her know when I would be there so she could make other arrangements.

jan 27 - present she has stayed at our place two times while I was not there and since then has been staying at her friends place only coming to get her things while im at school during the day.

Jan 28 & 29 I asked her when this was going to stop and how much time she needed and her reply was "Idk right now you scare me and I cant be alone with you." She told me she never said she was filling for D but just needed space.

I didn't talk to her for a three day period. She text me about paying bills which I do not do, she handles the money. I didn't reply back for three days but she text me everyday about it. When I did text back she told me I was childish and playing games. I did the same thing she did to me, except I was texting about our marriage and she wouldn't reply. She said you have ruined our M, you ruined my happily ever after, sorry doesn't fix everything, you made me lose my best friend, im not worried about this M. I asked what her plan was to help fix this M and her reply was "Worry about myself."

Feb 5 she told me she would come talk to me about our problems. I told her that is she really didn't want this to work she should be able to tell me to my face, like grown adults not over a text message. She text me later that night and said "Im sorry I cant do this. I am just not ready to see or talk to you." In my mind I didn't really believe she would come over but I was crushed when she actually told me.

feb 9 I talked to her friend she is staying with about the situation. She told me she had an emotional breakdown the night she was supposed to talk with me. She is over the incident at the bar and knows that wasn't me I had a good talk with her friend for about 3 hours.

Feb 10 W tells me she doesn't want to be with me, and cant be with me after everything that has happened, to leave her alone, don't contact her and to get a lawyer. Says she will leave be alone with me to tell me to my face and I don't deserve anything from her

Feb 11-15 I have no contact with her.

She text me Feb saying we need to talk about our apartment, checking account, expenses and taxes. I didn't reply back until yesterday saying I couldn't talk about things yet. I had a breakdown and went to her friends house and seen she ws the only one there. She let me in and we talked for about an hour. She told me it was over and there was nothing I could say or do to change her mind. She knows what she wants and that is to be by herself and worry about herself, family and close friends. She doenst want us to be together and wants to pretend like the marriage never happened. She knows she made a mistake getting married and she tried to fix things but my mistake at the bar ruined things. She said how is she to know the next time I don't get my way or act insecure another bar incident wont happen. I got the ILYBNILWU speech. She told me that the first time too before she came back home. said she cant stand marriage, doesn't like on thing about it. On Jan 8 while at dinner she told me she went to the social security office and changed her name back to her maiden name. that did happen, I have seen her new SS card. She told me she has no emotions right now about us, shes emotionless. has no desire to try or give us a chance to fix things, says she has her life to lose if she does. I asked if there was someone else and she said no but wishes there was so she could give me that as the reason. She was acting very angry and hard hearted. her emotional wall is up. Says too many people are involved and I have a big mouth that I like to air out our business while she keeps things private.

She told me she has another place to live, she wouldn't tell me where and she will come get her things. She wants a separate checking account now to pay for her new place. Our lease runs out may 31 of our current place. She told me she doesn't have a lawyer and wants to finish the basketball season and then go from there. that will be end of march.

I did all the wrong things by begging, pleading and chasing. I am scared beyond doubt and want nothing more to fix things. She is a stubborn person and has always said, "when I say im done with something Im done." She is not a mean, ruthless person like she is acting. She told me I made her this way. I cant believe this is happening. I have admitted my mistakes to her and know I was not the H she needed or wants. I have way more blame in this than she does and she has told me its not all my fault. im at a loss. I have ordered DR and are awaiting for it to arrive. Please help. I have never talked to God so much since jan 5. the one night I didn't was jan 25, the bar incident. I cant lose my best friend, my lil buddy, the love of my life.

Sorry for the length of post