Discovering the buck stops here....

[mizjjd]

Job! How nice of you to stop by.

Is he on thin ice w/them for the about of time he's been away?
I am not sure. He hasn't missed time for quite a while actually.

Of course you are to blame for him not doing it sooner in life. Yes well, that goes along with me being the root of all evil, don't ya' know? I'm just impressed with myself that I didn't "take the bait" when he threw it out. I have nothing to "defend" myself to him over regarding this issue. He is entitled to his opinion and me to mine.
Yes, the man is lost and is trying to find his compass, but it will take a long time to for him to figure out that happiness comes from within. Agreed.
When is his 21st birthday?
Friday, the 21st.
It's time for him to learn about his situation on his own and not expect mom to diagnosis his issues for him. Mom you are the best, but it's difficult for him to let you go as a crutch and that may create more anxiety if he fears you are letting go. That is my goal. And yes, my decision to stop "looking things up" for him did not make him happy. But, making him happy isn't my job. That's his job. And its high time he start working on it, on himself, so he can have a life.
However, don't be surprised if she returns home in the next 6 months. I can't see that relationship working out for very long. I would be surprised if it takes that long!
Has the school board recommended the students going during spring break, etc?
They are going today, which had been scheduled off. And I believe they've lost 1 of their 2 spring break days. (They only get Good Friday and Easter Monday (is that a thing?) off) Beyond that they start tacking on days to the end of the school year.
I do hope that you are carving out some time for you, i.e., to do something special for yourself.
That's why I'm here! My computer died so H's is the only way for me to spend time on DB. And today I get the bonus of H being away AND having the day off wonderfuljob. (That would be a good name for you...btw.)

Alrighty. Further developments.
One of H's long standing self-stories has been his conception. The legend goes that his parents, who already had 3 girls (twins and then a singlet 2 years later)desperately wanted a boy. So they consulted books and doctors on the best technique and 7 years after the singlet voila their prayers were answered and H was born.

Last night, I get the following text.
Found out that I was not planned but a simple mistake. Like "singlet sister".
I respond, What?!
Yes, I was an accident.
I ask, What about all the "we wanted a boy so we made one" stories?
Just stories I guess. Apparently they made the mistake of letting Singlet Sister know at a younger age and didn't repeat with me because she took it so badly.
Well YES of course she took it badly! Honest to god. Your parents are something else.
Are you going to watch Downton Abbey?
Yes. And I'm going to think unkind thoughts of your parents the whole time.
No. They make mistakes. It was a slip tonight, not a deliberate comment.
I understand that you do have to defend them. I know that. I don't even want to get into it with you regarding them. Sorry. I lost my temper.
You're angry because you think my state of mind is fragile enough without the input of that knowledge.
That's part of it, yes.
It is upsetting lol and I'm not sure why.
Its upsetting because above all else parents have the job of making sure their kids know they are WANTED. It was HORRIBLY SELFISH of your parents to "let that slip". If they hadn't made such a big lying deal out of the whole thing all along. They just took a tenet of your "self" and shattered it.
Yes well the story was a spark my whole life until now. So the saying the truth shall set you free is bunk.
The TRUTH should have been told all along.
I don't know what to say. I'm too old to have it bother me. I should be too strong willed to let it weaken me.
>>At this point the whole restraint, the "not getting into it" re H's parents? Gone.<< At the risk of alienating you, I'll share another truth with you. Your parents are not nice people. They didn't treat you or your sisters well, and still don't. That "I should be strong" stuff is yet more garbage that your parents have gifted you with. Its part of why you are lost right now. Because you've never learned to feel.
They have a lot of close friends who respect and care for them. They grew up in a different time in different circumstances.
No excuse. I can introduce you to scads of people their generation who do not treat their family that way.
But not from the same social standing or period of time and place. I'm lost because I gambled my life away. I took the risks and now I'm paying for it with nothing to fall back on.
That sounds like a reference to your financial/professional life? If you need to tell yourself that about your parents, if you believe that, fine. But don't expect me too.
I watch SIL and D29 with their kids and I see two wonderful parents. They/she didn't get it from me.
Your issues with your kids and your wives/girlfriends are patterned after your parents. Do you see that?
No, I don't see that nor do I understand the comment.
I'm not saying disown them or don't love them. I'm just saying they haven't done you any favors regarding emotional health.
Maybe not.
Your parents have had and continue to have strained relationships with their children. Yes?
Yes.
And their children, you and your sisters, have strained relationships with their children, yes?
Yes, I suppose. But hopefully not with (our)my twins.
Hopefully not with any of your kids. You work at this, I know you do. I'm proud of how you try. Doesn't mean things are perfect, but you TRY. So do you see how your parents parenting pattern is copied by you and your sisters?
No, I think we're worse.
Better or worse arguable. But variations on the original pattern.
I think I'm losing my mind.
On the contrary, I think you may finally be ready to find your mind.
No, I mean I think other forces are dulling it and my memory recall.
Stress and depression have that effect. But speaking of recall, despite what your mother says NOW about her marriage - it hasn't been a great marriage. And NONE of their children have had successful marriages. So, another pattern repeats.
What patterns will our children repeat? Omg.
I know. Scary thought.
Yes.

There. Now that I've shared that I feel much better. H is one sad and broken puppy. I hope he can see his way through that one day. For me, while this development made me angry because I believe his parents were/are cruel, it feels more distant. More "other" than past exchanges. More detached I guess. I want to say to H "Look! See? Look at it from this perspective." But if he doesn't or can't, then so be it. It's too bad, but it's just the way it is. He'll remain stuck trying to please the unpleasable parents, failing them and failing himself. But he has to work all that out on his own.

Off to errands and chores. Take care DBers