Thanks TL72, I have read DR and DB again and many threads here. I actually have made some changes that my W has already taken notice, and she sure is pissed about them.
I'm sorry your going through this also, the things I have been doing have been helping me a lot. I'm sitting her right now filled with peace, thanks to God!
I'll Bring you up to speed. W got pissed about family tracking on cell phone, she gets new cell phone and number on Wednesday 2/12/14. I still dont have the number, she contacts me from my D or Step S phone. I havent even asked for the number. A goal is for her to give me th number on her own. Mind you any conversation is started by her, I only talk when she talkes to me.
Valentines day she seems depressed, I did engage talk with her about the things I have done wrong in our M. I see she's depressed in the bedroom, I take charge and have her sit between my legs and I give her a shoulder massage. I ask her if I'm making her uncomfortable she says no. I do it for a little bit and then I got ready for work. Afternoon shift stinks!
I come home saturday night get in bed and W told me good night, I tell her same and I roll over so my back faces her and she makes this noise that usually means "thats it" trust me I know this noise. I ask her if she said something she replies oh no. WE go to bed, I'm not pursuing her.
I start to act as if, I don't engage any conversation with her unless she starts it. I usually even end it. I make sure when we are home together I'm not bothering her.
Sunday morning I get up, I see W is all dressed up, she getting ready for church. I walk into kitchen she tells me she's going to church, I said ok, and I tell her I was going to take the kids at 11am, She asks what church, I reply st. so and so and she says I thought you didn't like that one, I told well its church and it will be fine. I ask her politely if she would like to come with, she said and mumbled something about being alone. I ask step S if he would like to come with me and D, he replies no I go during school, he's in a school. I look to see what time service starts at this church that just open close to our house and it starts at 10:30. So I leave and I'm driving getting closer to it and I tell D we should just go to other church, getting little nervous of this new church, I decide to stay my course, NOW THIS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. I pull into the church driveway ans a sign saying "Marrige Builders Confrence" FEB 14 & 15. So I missed this would been nice to go to.
I get in church with D we get to our seats and service begins. The service is about Fighting For Your Family. Ironic for sure. The scripture is "Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes" Nehemiah 4:14b ESV. I put this on Facebook because it sruck me in my heart, because here I am right now Fighting For My Family. Funny how God had me go to that church and not the other one.
W see's the post on Facebook and sends me this private message"interesting how you would quote something where you fight for your brother first and your wife last. Ironic. Who are you fooling. My name...not me. Go ahead and set it up to make sure you come out smelling like a rose."
I replied to it and probably shouldn't of. I said "It was todays service about Nehemiah to fight for your family, has nothing to do with whos listed first or last in this bible scripture. I'm sorry you feel this way about it.
W replied "All of a sudden you're quoting bible versus. Your not sorry...it angers me that you're putting on this act. I never replied to this, I did not want to get baited into a argument with her. Its like an Alien took over or the Devil.
I can tell you by going to church has made a huge diffrence, I don't know why I ever stopped going.
I'm at work W calls me, She hasnt been calling me or texting me much lately not like we where doing 2 weeks ago. Anyway she calls me from Step S phone. She ask me so you went to that new church I see. I reply yes and it was really nice. She ask me about the scripture i posted on FB and the refrigerator because it had some fill in blakes so you follow along better. I was excited to tell her about the service and I explain it to her and she was like ok. she then tells me I went to the same church but the other one across town, the pastors are brothers. I tell her that we could go next Sunday together if she likes and she almost snapped my head off OH NO that wont happen. I see she's annoyed so I decide to end the call, of course she doesn't like that and I tell her its busy and I have to go so we say bye.
W calls me back about 5 mins later. I should of never answered it, but I did. W tells me that she was rude for acting like that and apologizes and said its ok. W asks me why are you all of sudden going to church, I reply because I need it and its good for me and the kids. W then tells me so your going be better for someone else, referring that I will be better for the next person and why didn't you do this me. She then says don't you want to ask me anything, I pause not sure what to say so I just reply do you want me to ask you something. W says that not what I asked. I don't know how to answer this question and simpl say no. W then says Oh I see your ok with all of this and I havent talk to you in 2 days. W then says a couple of days ago you werent like this and now your all good. W Ask what are you doing how are you handeling this I simply told her I'm confronting it head on. She doesnt understand me, she trys to bait me into an argument or wanting to know my DB secrets I won't reveal them. being down and depressed. I notice she is getting more depressed as I keep acting as if. I had actual fun today at church and work. I laughed alot at work today. Don't get me wrong there was good conversation when she called me while I was at work but then she gets annoyed. Thats when I get off the phone. She did ask me, what do you think this is going to do, referring to how I have been more up beat and making it like it doesnt matter what I do she's not changing her mind. She did tell me to little to late and I replied better late than never. and thats when she told me I would be all good for the next women. BLah BlaH BLAH.
I do know she is seeing my changes and even challanging them and not believing in them. I have come to a relization these changes are for me and if she comes back then she gets a better man.
I see alot of clarity and all of my faults that have caused this M to be in this state. I'm going to write them down and then throw them away and continue to improve me no matter what happens. Don't get me wrong I LOVE MY W, but I have to let her go on her own journey and if she ends up back with me then Awesome. If not then I become a better man.
I forgot W asked me something along the lines of Who this is all for and really kinf=d of froze not sure how to answer didn't want to put any pressure on the R and say Us or anything like that. She said who you? I did say yes, because it is for me and if you stay it would be for you to. I didn't tell her this I thought it.
I almost get a sense she wants me to broken down and why does it seem she wants me to pursue her, like she wants me to bring up our R etc..asking me if I want to ask her anything. They sure can confuse a person.
