melissa - gotta get back to me

[Mimi00]

If I ignore him, does that not indicate that I accept him treating me so cruelly?

Yet on the other hand, nothing I say is going to make him see that or feel badly about it. It's not where he is. Or, sadly, who he is anymore.

Bug, you talk about figuring out where your anger comes from . . . and I see what you are saying. Your example with your H the other day was a good one. But what do I do when my H doesn't care?

So I can identify why I am angry. But I can't go back to my H and say, "it really hurt my feelings that you said X." He doesn't care.

So what do I do with that? I feel like my only choice is to eat it.

Something I learned from the book I mentioned in my previous post, was to duck their harsh jabs (as in don't take them personally, [because as we've heard time and time again] it's not about us )
Then when you get your footing, swing back with a shot of reality that you're a human being w/ feelings by simply saying "ouch, that hurt" (or something w/ similar effect) then move on.

The key is to no longer make long drawn out statements that say how much we hurt because of what they are doing and saying (that's just more of the same from most of us), but instead let them know directly as soon as it happens w/o our emotions getting in the way, that what they said was unacceptable and they're a jerk by using a statement like "wow, that stung".

In most cases, this will cause them to immediately see what they said/did that was hurtful and allows them to know in the moment and why it was negative. They may not apologize right away, they may even say you're being sensitive, but it helps them to be more aware in the future and hopefully not continue saying things that are hurtful.