I may have done too much

[D2ndday]

Well, lets see. I have done some things for me like I got a cell phone, which after mine broke last summer, I had held off because I didn't think we/I could afford to replace it. Well, after Dday, I went out and got one. I also had been wanting a specific tattoo for like 16 years. Again due to cost, I had held off. I went out and got that the other day. I held off on these things because I wanted her to not have any wants, but now... I figure these are things I wanted.

I also have started working on getting back into school to finish my second degree. I guess that had taken a back burner with life. SO, my work is helping me get back. I am committing to finishing the editing on my book, hopefully to get published.

I have been going out and spending the day with family like my mom or sister. Like the super bowl, Me and the W usually watch it, this year I went to my sisters. I am working out again, trying to burn off frustration. I have reconnected with some safe old friends. Taking walks with my dogs at the park, weather permitting. A little hard right now under all this snow. I am more of a summer outdoors guy. So I feel a little restricted with going out much.

One thing that has kind of worked for me right now, although I think was a big problem in our M, was we work opposite schedules. Most days she works from like 5-1:30pm. I work 1230-9pm. So it is not uncommon for us to not see each other for a few days. She might be awake when I get home, as she heads to bed. On my days off, I am trying to stay busy.

Now sometimes when she is not home, I just read or watch a movie. I did not used to read much, but as of recent.

I still have periods that are hard. She still leaves me a note every morning, although now they sometimes say that she will not be coming home that night. That's hard, or when I see she still waives goodbye as she pulls out of the driveway. Even when I no longer am there to waive back. Or when I know she is here. What I mean is, I feel like it is getting harder to have her here. It has become almost easier when she is not. I don't have to worry about what to say or how to act. I don't have to stop myself from doing old behavior things like making us dinner, or if I should even offer. I mean the girl has been living off cereal, instant popcorn, and mac and cheese, LOL. She is using up all the instant foods in our house. Which is fine, but the old me, made sure she ate well. She cant cook. But I digress.

So I am trying, I slowed my pace a little. since it was feeling like to much change all at once. But the above are the things I have been able to do for now.