once, during the whole nightmare but before h left, I asked him if he thought I was bluffing about things being a deal breaker, or if he was "just willing to take the chance" of losing his family.
He replied "Guess I"m willing to take that chance." At that moment, I was speckling our wall in the guest bathroom. Why tell you that?
B/c h SWEARS he never said the above. Moreover, he claims he'd "never say anything like that" and I believe he sincerely does not recall it.
But I do. (Hence my "eye witness" details).
I KNOW he said it. But Melissa, my h does NOT recall it at all. Believes he'd "never" say anything like that b/c he's "never felt that".
So, you really cannot take their words seriously at this point. I mean, heck, a chunk of what is happening between you two now, will be forgotten by him. OR remembered very differently and it won't all be b/c of his bias. Some of this is due to their fog.
Much as I bemoan the obsession about "MLC" terms versus "WAS", etc. I also recognize that truly new, different behavior can be so new or so different or so...emotional, that they do not recall it all.
So if you hold onto the idea of him feeling regret/remorse or him "Caring" about you, and you place YOUR happiness and mental health on that, you are setting yourself up for a lot more pain than you already are facing.
Hence our mantra. "Detach, Let Go, and move forward..."
I don't know if he'll ever want back into the marriage. He may never have any second thoughts. I know he won't if you only show him your pain and anger.
And I KNOW that if you make it so hard for him to try and return ("Climb Mt Everest to PROVE you are really truly SORRY! Then, MAYBE I'll look your way but I might throw it in your face every time I'm angry or hold it over your head for life...
OR IF HE BELIEVES THIS^^ WILL HAPPEN...then he won't bother even telling you of his regrets. You'll never even know about it.
And it's just too darn hard to feel detached, or be detached if you are focusing on your pain and or, HIS actions.
Focus only on what positive actions YOU can take for YOU and the kids. Period.
I say this b/c it works. Take it in BEFORE you reject it or say it does not apply yet
and maybe, maybe you can stop the focus on Your FEELINGS...which is a bit like what your h does, don't you think? (Feelings are his guide. Don't let feelings be what determines how you behave. THINK things out and guide those feelings.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
