Hi M - I have been reading along but don't have any great advice. I am just soaking up all of the advice you have received. I hate having conversations with my H about anything other that superficial issues. He just does not get it and he has his own view of the life. I always leave the conversation. Feeling worse than when it started. My H shows NO remorse for his A. He honestly just does not get it at all. We were talking last week and H was saying that we are very different and that i did not want to do things that he suggeseted. H brought up a time a year ago that we were on a date and I did not want to go to a particular bar with him. He said i refused to go with the flow and do something he wanted. He completely did not understand at time and still does not understand that I did not want to go to that place because it was the bar that my H and OW and coworkers went to often. It was the same place that they were at when they both got their DUIs. I passed that place everyday on my way home and it would make me so upset. I cheered in my car when the bar went out of business a couple months ago because it was a symbol of my H's A. My H still does not get why that place hurt me. He may never understand the depth of the pain he has caused me. But I have learned that this is my H's problem, not mine. He is living life with a major character flaw. I am convinced it will come back to bite him at some point in his life. It does not help in the moment when their comments are beyond painful, but once the emotions settle down I realize that I would NEVER want to trade places with my H. And that makes me feel a lot better.
Big hugs. Enjoy having your kiddos back tomorrow. I hope you were able to enjoy your alone time!
