Well, a lot has changed over the course of a month. H has been acting moody for a couple of weeks. It seemed like all of a sudden he started looking really sad, and he just kind of pulled away. Less affection, less joking around with me, and a lot more nit-picking and complaining about little things. I tried to ask him about it, and he would just say that he was feeling sad.
We quit our counselor, per H's suggestion, as he felt that she just wasn't working for us, and I agreed. We both decided I would find the new counselor. I looked around and found one that seemed really good, a solutions based psychologist. Thing was, she was booked until the 26th.. so we still haven't seen her yet.
I got sadder and sadder, and anxiety started kicking in pretty bad for me, as I watched H pulling away from me again, after watching him be so optimistic about wanting to work on things. That things, "were different now and that his heart wasn't in it for trying before, but now he was totally committed."
Then Valentines day came. No email during the day from him to say, "Happy Valentines" or anything. I got home from work and asked if he wanted his present. He then told me he hadn't got me anything. I gave him his present, tickets to a cool event. He seemed to really like the tickets. But I ended up going upstairs and crying, just because I was so emotional about the events of the past couple of weeks, and it lead up to the Valentines day (which is our BD anniversary), and then not getting a present or card.
That is when he said he was not sure if he still wants to work on things anymore. He still doesn't have the right feelings for me. He is worried that he never will. He doesn't necessarily want to go another year and still feel the same way. Also, he has been feeling a lot of pressure, with him not living at our family home full time, and just needing so much space. Also, he noticed that it's been a year since our BD and he feels sad that we are still only where we are at now.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
