I know she is with the other man right now and I cannot stop crying and get it out of my head I want to detach so bad. I hope it will happen soon
I really don't know if I can hold out for six months or a year or more. I know many of you have, but I don't know if I can find the strength
OneDay, we have much the same sitch. I had easily come the conclusion that an ended A would not be a dealbreaker - none of us is perfect, and the better man would stand by through this transgression. But I was devastated last week when OM made contact again after a month of NC. Re-ignited everything. Made me rethink whether ongoing A was a dealbreaker.
As bad as you and I have fog now, it was no picnic for WW's to get to this point either, and it will be worse when A ends, and it will.
What helps me through this is knowing that if I give up now, I guarantee the worst possible outcome for my kids and that would be long term pain for any short term feeling of satisfaction for kicking W to the curb or bailing. So I have committed myself to be the last man standing. I'm coming out of this with dignity for my own sake and for my kids. High road, baby. Working on me for my best future, with or without W. Working on my skills so that if W ever resurfaces, I'll be in best emotional position to make rational decisions. I'll be able to look any of her enablers in the eye and have them question their assumptions. I also take great solace in knowing that the cowardly OM will surely suffer Dante's inferno.
Is there a clock ticking down out there? Probably, but it doesn't need to be mine just yet.
Of course you have the strength to hold out. You have to have the strength. You are the role model for those boys. You will be able to tell them you did everything possible, no quitting! And you will detach because you will get tired of letting irrational people jerk your chain.
