. I am thinking if she brings it up again to go ahead and speak to the kids. Anyways, this is another point I am struggling with. I can apologize to them and tell them I am sorry for not loving her mom, thus, clearing her from guilt, but I am not sure if this should be the right move
No, you don't tell a 4 & 8 yr old child this! My gosh, you aren't thinking about what that would do to them, you just want to make brownie points with your W.
I cannot imagine being that young and having that kind of information handed to me. To a WAW, talking to the kids is simply finalizing her plan to D. She is trying to make you see that the M is over. Neither of you seem to be thinking of how traumatic this "talk" could be to the kids. They could interrupt that talk to mean a lot of things you aren't saying.
I suggest you do not agree to having a talk with them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
