still hopeful... no matter where life takes me

[juliegayle]

I took a break from the boards for a few days.I learn so much from reading others threads but my sitch is just stagnant so I took some time to just be. And honestly I have been a bit overwhelmed with s increasing anxiety and dealing with the puppy and snow days etc. I realize one of the things I had been getting from h in marriage was a few hours respite here and there when s behavior was overwhelmingly. Now I don't have that unless I pay for it.

I think I have been doing a really good job at detaching. I see a bunch of beer cans hidden under car and it doesn't make me seethe the way it used to. I can just say ok let me stay away from him. And since h can't go to all his stand bys to be mad at me for (because I have changed) his attacks have become very personal (my appearance religion and family) And I really can hear these things and think "whatever moving on"

Where I am doing very poorly is with thinking about OW. Particularly her spending time with my s. I don't know how to get past this. Yesterday I got home from work and h was sitting in his car face chatting with het. He hid the phone as soon as he saw me but it made me sick. I think what kind of woman is this who is ok with a man who hides away and takes time from his kids (2 of which he only sees 8 days a month). What kind of woman is ok with a man who is so cruel to the woman he married? What kind of woman is ok with a man who completely ignores his fog of 12 years because a new one comes along? What kind of woman is ok being with a man who lies about her very existence? What kind of woman is ok being with a man who lies so easily to his family as he sneaks off to ser her?

Not the type of person I want around my child. As I said I have been doing well in other areas and I never voice these things to h. There is no point. I just don't know how to deal with it.