I agree very much with Sandi....You have a lot of work that you need to do on yourself...for yourself.
As for IC....Can you pay for it yourself?
Confidence that is viewed as c@cky and a@@hole'ish is just a sham....seen right through easily by anybody. You will get proper confidence in time.
While your wife is in affair lala land.....I think what she is getting at is what Sandi and I are also seeing. You have been living in depression co-dependency land for a LONG time. For you to fix that is going to take time and a lot of work....on yourself. I would shelf anything wife or marriage related in your mind and just focus on you.
"How should I deal with the requests to earn her back? I get the feeling that she jut wants me around to cook and clean and take care of the kids so she can go and do her own thing.... Matching this against me being selfish for wanting to workout or see friends is making me wonder."
Don't see your behavior as selfish, but see it as necessary. One thing you need to understand is that codependency is a two person thing. At times, while you work on yourself, your wife will react negatively to it. She is used to your old behaviors and too a certain point expects it. As you change, you will actually become unfamiliar to her. So when she has outburst about your changes....welcome her criticism as it is proof your changes for you are working for you.
