Part 2-H moving out

[nit84]

GB,

You are right, it will be tough to see your H stuff gone when you get back but you are a strong woman and you will get past this part.

Having your kids there will help a great deal I think.

Your H is now dealing with the consequences of being a WAH.

I'll be will interested in seeing what happens going forward.

Once I moved back home. I thought for sure my W was moving out.

It has been 2 months and she is still here. A couple times she packed some things but then stopped and the only time she mentioned leaving was the night I moved back and I know that was said in anger.

I am not mindreading here I hope but I think W does this packing to try to get me all riled up. I think while she is doing this( I hope anyways), she is thinking about what the consequences might be if she actually does leave. Then that makes her hesitate to continue. Maybe your H is doing the same as he is packing.

I feel as long as I stay in control of my emotions and keep knowing that I don't control what my W does it will be fine. She might still leave but I know that I did nothing to help her make that decision. It is HER choice alone.

I feel by validating and empathizing when I can, it is hard when you don't hardly talk, it is having small impacts(very very small) on the way we are dealing with each other.

She still finds fault with almost everything I do. But it is different in some ways now.

This happened yesterday.

She offered to do something(snow blow driveway) I always do and I am letting her without a discussion. I then screwed up a cupboard door(not on purpose) I attempted to fix it and struggled a bit(maybe on purpose). She said "leave it I will get it." I said "Great, you always did know how it goes." I left the room feeling like maybe this was her softening up a little. It felt good.

2 hours later after she came in from snow blowing, She started to complain about the hot tub. We may have a leak but I need to wait for spring to fix whatever is wrong. I told her my thoughts and she continued to complain I just empathized and agreed with her thoughts and the exchange ended peacefully.

At first I thought well that niceness was short lived but thought more about it and knew that that hot tub is a symbol of my stubbornness about not having kids sooner. I really wanted a hot tub and told W that we should get one before kids because after kids we wouldn't be able to afford it. She went along with it at the time but then I hid behind paying for this hot tub(extremely unintentionally) as a reason to not have kids at that time. I see now that the W felt scammed, I wish I saw it back then.

So, in essence, She wasn't complaining about me directly but aiming her frustrations at an object that has caused us a lot of conflict in the past. She said we should just get rid of it(not the first time she has said this).

I may be off base in my thinking, not sure.



I guess my interest is now that your H has decided to leave will it allow him to see the consequences of him being a WAH?

I wish for you and your kids he didn't move out, and stayed home, but maybe this is what is needed for him to realize how much he misses everything. It still stinks though!

I will be thinking positives thoughts for you and your kids!!