I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

H came as planned acting very casual but got right down to business. Told me that he has decided to file for separation. He followed that statement with he is "just in the process of filing out the paperwork and btw needed my SSN and could send it to him later. He said that the paperwork wouldn't be coming in the next few days or weeks but he didn't want me to be surprised. Then came the justification statement but also said that he wasn't motivated to do so by the ow's h's visit. I listened and validated, added my "that's not what I want" but if you feel that is what you have to do" comment. I asked him to proceed slowly which I think he will do.

He kept good eye contact as he talked and stayed calm. He said that he didn't want to discuss the visit but had hoped that I would have told him rather than let him be surprised. He didn't think it was funny (not sure where he got that idea). The only defensive statement that I made was that I wasn't aware and agreed that it wasn't funny. He seemed pleased with himself almost as if this was something he had to do to take control of what happened.

He apologized for not recognizing our anniversary or Valentine's Day claiming that he was busy at work. Our anniversary isn't for a few more days but I had put the card with his mail and he asked me if that's what the card was.

He talked about the ow and her h and that they were very close to filing bankruptcy. He assured me that he and ow had no community funds, that all of our accounts are still intact and that he was still saving money. When she talks about her woes he said that he tells her that it's between her h and her. He continued with details of their financial state at which I said that it is their business. He agreed and said that there is a wall around discussions related to their finances. He sees the financial disaster so I pray that she doesn't somehow find a way to penetrate the wall!

He told me that I have put up with a lot over the past few years and he wasn't sure why or how I was able to do it. At that point I threw in a comment that things may look different for both of us 6 months or a year from now. He agreed.

One of the last things he said before he changed the subject was to say, "I want you to think about the separation" and we'll talk about it more later. Not sure if he meant before he files the paperwork or after.

The subject then changed to kids, taxes and getting together to talk again soon.

I feel relatively calm and I believe that this was his way of showing me that he is still in control. Idk, mlcers are all over the place so it's hard to know what they will or won't do and when.

Thanks to all of you for the thoughts and prayers.