I called up H and let him have it - yelling and crying (which I have rarely done during out 25-year marriage, except the past couple of months). I asked how he could even think that it was okay to ask me about gifts for the OW. I told him I deserve to be treated better, and that I was a gem worth keeping, and that I was now setting a boundary that all communication with OW had to stop. He calmly apologized and said it was a mistake for him to ask me that on Valentine's Day (lately most of his responses to me have been very cool and clinical--like he's a counselor). I told him a few days ago after one of his cool, "I'm sorry you feel that way," responses that I would much rather have a hug than such an unemotional response. He didn't have a response to that.
Anyway, H said he'd be home from work as soon as he could. When he did arrive we basically stated our boundaries -- mine was that all contact with OW had to stop. His response was that he was tired of my dictating who he could/could not have as a friend. I restated that EA/PA/infatuations did not count as friends. He didn't agree and just restated that he could no longer have me telling him who he could have as a friend.
H then said that after he had spoken with our marriage counselor on Thurs he had decided he wanted a divorce. Cr@p! He cried for a minute or two. Soon after that he stated he would be changing all of his login codes for his computer/phone (I had access to them previously). I thought it was odd that that was one of the first things he mentioned after bringing up the divorce. He also talked about living arrangements and what assets we need to get in order (obviously he'd been thinking about this for a little while).
He said that he loved me very much and would always take care of my Ds and me as long as I needed him to.
Since then I have been aloof towards him. I did not sleep in the same room with him last night. I did not return the kiss he gave me on the cheek. I did not respond to him saying, "I love you." I did give him a hug this morning when he asked for one.
He is very loving and caring, and I believe this is really hurting him. He has not shut me out, but he still wants a divorce, or at least a separation. I'm not sure what to do now since he is showing love and concern. Do I keep him at a distance? Today I left the house for 4 hours and after returning home I stayed most of the time in another room, not really conversing with him at all unless needed.
Should I talk with him and try and paint a picture of how life will be after the divorce - how our family will be broken apart during the holidays, how he will have less time with the Ds (H said after he finds a place out of the house he wants to come over in the morning and take care of their breakfast getting them off to school)? I'm not sure how I should act around him...
----------------------- Me-50 Married 25, Together 28 D15, D18 EA since Aug 2013 H pulls back EA to "friend" status Dec 2013 D-Bomb dropped: Valentine's Day 2014 (that [censored]!)
