To answer your question, some of the things from my side of the breakdown is the lack of emotional connection. With my Ws past with her parent's D and her father passing, whenever she would try to bring up either topic, I would shut her down and not allow communication. It was a big part both of us contributing. Either her holding it in and me not pressing her to talk about it or she would get so angry that we wouldn't talk about it, so when I would then try, she would remark "now you want to talk and I don't." There was definite communication problems on both sides. This is one of the things I am working on with my counselor and with doing things like journaling and helping myself process emotions. There was definitely a bigger focus on our move, starting the business, and the holidays than focusing on her needs. She told me she's been ambivalent about our relationship for over a year and tried to "force" the connection even on our honeymoon.
At this point, I'm trying to GAL and work on the things I had mentioned. I understand I am partially to blame for the disconnection we shared, but I also know (despite her saying) that I am not responsible for her actions. She chose to have the EA. I told her that yesterday and her response was that she told me multiple times we lost a connection and I "did nothing about it" despite the hours and hours I invested in learning the right things to do to improve communication. Like an idiot, I didn't openly discuss all of this with her while doing it and we never did the things we said we would (spend an hour a day just talking about us and our past, work on things with us, etc.).
Brando is here to have support on doing the right things for himself. To have support of GAL and worrying about numero uno at this point, rather than trying to control my W and her actions.
