melissa - gotta get back to me

[labug]

I didn't mean that I was telling H off yesterday.

I know that, it doesn't change my response.

But I have learned that when I treat my H like that guy, I get crapped on. If I sit down at his table, he serves me sh!t and offers me seconds. So the only way I can figure out to reject his sh!t, even when I am seeing him as the guy I thought he was, is to remind myself constantly of the sh!t he is serving.

This is the part that many people get stuck on. Hear me loud and clear you have control of that! And is it you get crapped on or is it that your expectations shift?

Have a little anger if you want, but for most of us it keeps us in a very emotional place and the slightest miscue from someone sets us off. Anger is a secondary emotion, it's usually masking something else. Realizing that and being able to slow down and suss that out is important. Then you can respond in a way that's helpful for you.

I'll tell you a story in realtime. I'm moving through anger with my H right now. We had a disagreement about plans for later today. I could feel my anger coming up in me and I disengaged. Went for a bike ride, came home and he had to leave for his guitar lesson.

I needed to be away from him to figure out just exactly what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling that and how to deal with it.

I'm feeling hurt because it seems to me that he disregarded my feelings. (You know this before he does ;)) He didn't do that intentionally so we need to talk about it more and come to a decision that works for both of us.

I had to sit with the anger and let it pass to figure that out.

I need to have an open mind to hear him out. I couldn't do that with anger clouding my brain.

You're in a very different R with your H right now but it doesn't change how you can best understand and deal with your anger.

You're being challenged in many ways. You're not regressing, this isn't a linear process so accept that if you can.

Let go.