Hi. I'm brand new posting on this site, but I've been reading a long time. I think you are getting amazing advice here, and I only wanted to chime in because your post about not being able to stop snooping really struck a chord with me. I was an obsessive snooper and could not get myself to stop for a long time. I had all kinds of reasons to justify it to myself even though it really made me feel so much worse. I think I can safely say that I'm done with snooping, and I wanted to tell you things that helped me.
1. I realized I was giving them WAY to much power by letting their conversations/texts control my day and how I felt. I was tired of letting my life and emotions revolve around THEM.
2. I had no idea what they were saying so why did I need to see how many times they talked?
3. They are texting and talking. I know this. I really know this. I don't need to see it over and over and have it ruin my day.
4. Does it change my situation? He's been talking to her all along whether I knew it or not.
5. This is not helping me work on me. I can't detach when I do this. I felt SO much better when I let the snooping go.
6. I also felt I couldn't be a better person when I snooped. I didn't WANT to live my life snooping and checking phone records all the time. I had to realize how unattractive it was and it didn't help me or my situation. I didn't like myself when I did it. I had to really let it sink in that I cannot control my husband…only me. That's powerful stuff.
Anyways…I don't know if any of that will help you, but I would repeat these kinds of things over and over to myself. Even now, when the urge is strong (thankfully it's rare) to see if they were talking I just get moving. I force myself to do something else. Sometimes just moving locations in the house will help take my mind off of it. I hope this helps you some:) I wish you all the best!
