Don't Break Character

[TSquared2]

I really love these, this is the/a point of the journey, imo:

I was hanging on for him, to get him to a better place. At that moment there was very little there I was hanging on for me. It was then I knew what it felt like to love someone without condition. I had no expectations. My expectation was that he would get through this, and we would go through divorce, and we would be very good friends and co-parents. My fairytale of the MLC journey of yucky-replay turn to eternal, romantic bliss was gone. My second fairytale was gone. My calculations of one year were gone. I didn't hold onto that anymore.

But that year mark came and things were changing. Things were changing just like that old Raine in the bunker after BD always thought they would. She knew that if she did her part, the rest could be possible. The rest could be possible if she gave H the chance to do his part too.

and:

I told H about my fairytales. I told him how BD destroyed my fairytale of guarantee, of us being together forever, no worries, complete trust. I said, "You know there are bad things with that, but there are very good things with that too. I had a very innocent, tunnel vision of things. My scope has been opened. That allows me to see and feel so much more. I appreciate what we have, because I know that it is not guaranteed. I work for it, put my heart into it, because it means so much more now than it ever did before. Everything has meaning. I have compassion, understanding, and love, on a deeper and greater level than I ever could have before."

[Raine]

job, I know! Can you believe it has been that long? The time has just flown by. I remember being in the thick of it, how the days would drag. But now there just never seems to be enough time for anything. You're post made me smile. Thank you for all of your amazing advice and insights. You have helped me so much through this.

<3 you, T2

Bklyn, you know what...I wouldn't be surprised if he did. He has done some pretty amazing things for me, and I know he is scheming for things. He has already said that our anniversary is going to be amazing. And I'm being good about sitting back and letting him drive, instead of being the planner and doer.

CC, you know, I still struggle with that. I know it's crisis. I know who he was during the crisis/replay was not the man I knew before, nor is he that man now. But I still struggle with that. Even now the reasons he has given for why he felt we needed to S or D is that I would talk to him late at night about things when he wanted to go to sleep, I would think too much about things he said and ask for clarification, and that he felt trapped when we were talking about getting pregnant and he said that he didn't think we should because he was concerned about my health, which I countered as that was really sweet of him to worry, but not a concern. So. Yeah. I struggle with those being the reasons to justify divorce, cheating, abandonment, etc, etc. It helps me accept that it was a crisis, but it's still a difficult pill to swallow. He does talk about that it doesn't make sense, and they are not big deals. They are not deal breakers. But at the time and in his messed up mindset, they were huge.

And he is home early....I'll check back in later

[uRworthy]

My friend, it took a lot of work, a lot of introspection, a lot of strength.

But you weathered the storm. You both did. You held on tight to what you believed in. Even while letting him go to walk his journey.

I am not surprised by what you have. I always believed in you and so, in him. Mostly because of who you are.

[nero]

hey hi-

i'm sooo glad for you- and sooo glad to just read your big old post with your "history of mlc" - it does give hope. somewhat- i know, no expecttions. unfortunately- relly - probably all of us will have none at all when we're - uh hem, dead.

we're here- ergo- got 'something".

that old "hope" thing -

anyway- im so happy things are going well for you and kids and h - i could plotz and just wanted to share it .

xxoo

[Wonka]

Raine,

Hey Partner....I do keep up with your thread. Not been able to post here because I am getting hit by wave after wave in my own journey and not able to give you the full attention you deserve here.

You're are an incredibly strong woman for having walked this path when the world around seemed to fall apart all around you. I'm thinking about the original Superman movie with Reeves in that particular scene when the earth shifted and nearly swallowed up Lois Lane.

You are the glitter glue that drew back H! Sparkling Raine that outshines every woman in your orbit and you're the Lois Lane to H. Well done, baby!

[Raine]

First thing I noticed as H comes home, arms full of flowers and well thought out gifts....he is wearing his wedding ring. I haven't seen it since Oct 2012.

[job]

What a pleasant surprise! I'm glad he did something extra special today.

Happy Valentine's Day!

[bustingout]

That's beautiful news Raine :-) really lovely

[Wonka]

Rock on, Mrs. Valentine! Are you wearing your wedding ring too?

[Raine]

No, I'm not It still just has too much negative associated with it for me.