Well I am concerned for you! Not only can I see how unattractive you may be to your WAW, but you even hate how you are now. Setting the physical aside for a minute and just looking at your mental attitude, it seems you need to receive professional counseling.......or a huge kick in the rear. I have to say that I am surprised she is still there. But then I suppose you take care of the home and kids?
Did you say you had suffered with depression for 20 yrs but had never sought help? Have you figured out that some of these things just don't work themselves out? I'm glad to hear you got a prescription, and if you do not begin to notice some relief within the first month, don't give up. A lot of doctors start with the smallest dosage, and sometimes we just need it increased. I used to think it wasn't helping and would stop taking it. Big mistake! Does your doctor know to the extent of your depression? Some men don't like to discuss it with their doctor.
I hope you will seek counseling for yourself. MC will not help at this point, but you need IC. There are a lot of problems that you have apart from the MR, but it certainly affected the M. Your goal is to fix yourself first.
You are very dependent on your W, and your lack of self-confidence causes you to need more reassurance from her. It puts both of you in a bad place b/c she sees you being clingy & needy.........which she hates, and will show it in her reaction. You need to deal with that issue in yourself ASAP. Are you reading any material regarding co-dependency?
It will be very difficult for you to detach from your WAW until you can began to heal yourself. The good news is, a lot can be changed in a short period of time. I am talking about YOU, not her and not the MR. All your focus must be taken off your W. And if you really knew how she felt about being around you.......I think you would back away from her instead of trying to wrap your arms & legs around tighter. I promise you the tighter you hold.....the further you push her.
The WAW who is in an A, wants to be free of the H and everything attached to him. EVERYTHING is pressure to her. You cannot believe how self-defeating it can be whenever you try to talk to her about what you think she is really feeling........what you think she needs to do........how you are willing to forgive her......and what your needs are. That is one of the reasons she wants space from you, she doesn't want to deal with you. This is the nature of the WAW.
My suggestion is to put distance between you, while you are trying to detach. Be sure you understand what relationship detaching really is. Google it. It is not you being mean or cold to her. It is about attitude. Find something to keep you busy when she's home. Don't make contacts with her when she's not home.
What does the doctor say about your sex-sleep problem?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
