melissa - gotta get back to me

[melissag]

Thanks, Bug . . . you always make me feel better when you share your stories.

I was thinking that last night . . . I told H off many times during our M without batting an eyelash. Why am I such a wimp about it now?

I didn't answer the text about the profile, but after he sent the arrival text I said thanks.

I wouldn't say saying thanks is a 180 for me. (Though I acknowledge I didn't often thank him for going to work every day, or that sort of thing.) I said thank you a lot during our M, but my H would often complain that he felt unappreciated. According to him, me saying thank you wasn't enough - he thought that if he was nice most of the time, I should not complain when he wasn't. So, if I complained about him not being nice, or not doing something, or whatever, that wiped out me saying thank you for whatever he did do.

Saying thanks is not engaging him.

I'm not so worried about engaging him. It's more like, I don't want to give him more fuel for the "I'm so great and honorable" story in his head. And I don't want him to think that I buy into his Mr. Nice BS.

I'm glad you brought this up, because I see that by not saying thank you (i.e., for taking down his online dating profile), I am once again trying to control him.