Separated and on a Walk

[paul19510]

Journal. The tripj is goin g well I only mentione d sitxh once to a friend wbo has been with me tthru it. Other than that we are having fun. I had drinks and snackss with the other parents after the kids went to ed. The cosch brought some delicious home brew he made...ina. gatorade cooler. Lol. We shared cookies and chocolate too. Yum. Iam awake early because I am usually up early at ho.e. s12 has been a squirmer all. Night. Not used to having anyone next to me. Its been a year since I did.

Looking forward to first round of games today. W repeated the have fun thing when I sent her a pic of my kids being goofy. These days will never come again. She missed it but I can't feel frustrated and rjin what I am enjoying.

I've begun to tell myself thst this is my life. I am single. I left flowers on the kitchen counter for D16. I thanked her for watching the house and pets and told her I was proud of ber. W continues to say thar D is up to no good. I don't think that is the case and I have neighbors on either side as angels on her shoulder. She knows this and is happy with it.

I will get up soon to find food for me and the kids. Life goes on. Someday I hope to sleep next to someone again. I do miss thst. Baby steps.

[paul19510]

Journal. The games are going well we won our first roundnand S played well. As agreed I sent W a pic of S in the game and told her I was proud and that he is playing well. I sent her the final score and left it at that. She replied : ....awesome, glad to hesr its going well..." I just droppednit at this point. I think she's just being polite. But I did whst we agreed and kept her up to date about the kids.

[25yearsmlc]

Journal. The games are going well we won our first roundnand S played well. As agreed I sent W a pic of S in the game and told her I was proud and that he is playing well. I sent her the final score and left it at that. She replied : ....awesome, glad to hesr its going well..." I just droppednit at this point. I think she's just being polite. But I did whst we agreed and kept her up to date about the kids.

Paul, her comment was polite...nothing else. I have zero doubt about it. She's NOT secretly hinting to you. At best, it's a positive interaction, at worst, a neutral. (I'd put it in the latter category simply b/c your wife knows how to reach you and how to be clear, when she wants to be.

She'll tell you if she changes her mind). And that's that.
You're extremely enmeshed. I happen to believe that "where the head goes, the heart will follow" (if we let it).

You're standing in your own way. Get out of your way and start realizing you have to detach, which means LET HER GO.

No, that does not mean you are slamming the door to a recon. IT means you are showing her a new different you, a man who does Not "need" her.

And you are showing your kids what military families, among others, have always known. You CAN be a family with just one parent around and you can have fun together even if dad is overseas for duty, (or mom is a WAS...)

Do as much as you can with them that does Not remind you of her. That's why going to Italy with my kids was SO cathartic and stimulating, without any triggers of H coming to mind. To this day, probably the best trip I ever took.

In a way that is sad to say (since h was not there), but man, it was such an important lesson to teach myself and my kids.

Here WE are, and we are happy,

even without, or perhaps BECAUSE, the WAS is absent...

[paul19510]

25 well said. Thsnks for the reminder

[paul19510]

25i also realized I hit submit before I finishex my tbought. My situation is young and still occupies too much space in my life. Each activity is helping. Like baby steps. I am seeing W differently than even last month, but more work to do. I just set my kids off to find friends in the hotel while I enjoy a beer after dinner and watch some hockey.

Baby steps. This may take some time. With repetition and efforts I will let go mofe each day. I bave to. W is like a bad habit. Also I sm reminded of other times se traveled together. This trip is more relaxdx for me and them. Baby steps.

[3boymom]

P - Your situation is really young. You are doing a great job considering everything that you are going through. I repeat "baby steps" to myself over and over again. I have also learned that sometimes it is okay even if you take one step backwards because it usually leads to taking two steps forward. I have also found that little trips away have been so help in my situation. It is just nice to have a break from the everyday and a change of face. It is also nice that you are able to hang out with the coaches and other parents. Enjoy your time. Enjoy a beer. Forget about your wife tonight and just enjoy some Paul time

[paul19510]

P - Your situation is really young. You are doing a great job considering everything that you are going through. I repeat "baby steps" to myself over and over again. I have also learned that sometimes it is okay even if you take one step backwards because it usually leads to taking two steps forward. I have also found that little trips away have been so help in my situation. It is just nice to have a break from the everyday and a change of face. It is also nice that you are able to hang out with the coaches and other parents. Enjoy your time. Enjoy a beer. Forget about your wife tonight and just enjoy some Paul time

hi 3! I just got back from a team evening of bowling. Sitting at Friday's having a beer. Kids are tucked in upstairs for player curfew. Some of the other parents paired off. When I was witb W we would be one of the only couple that didn't pair off to go sit somewhere. So this is really no different. I'd like to enjoy that in my life. Too soon. Enjoying this beer. That's thr point. Baby steps.

[melissag]

I agree with 3boyz up there . . . she is a wise one!

If I could, I would take my kids on trips every time I have them! I love getting away and just enjoying them. And, a little free time for a beer after the kids are asleep never hurt anyone!

Paul, I kinda think you and I are in the same place with our H/W right now. I think we are both wishing they would/could be different than they are. I find myself nodding at some of the things you say (like, that this is no different than if your W was with you - actually, I sometimes find myself thinking that things are easier or less stressful when my H isn't around), and I also feel how much you hurt.

You are doing really well . . . hang in there!

[paul19510]

I feel asleep sigging by the pool and woke up fo my son and half his team greeting me ...oh mr X you're awke now. Lol. I am turning into an old man by the pool. Man that was relaxing. I wasn't actaully asleep. I was in thst llace where you are neither awake nor asleep and can hear all the things around you. It was nice.. i need more of that.

[paul19510]

back from my trip. it went well. the kids had a good time and so did I. more to come