Oh I was not upset, Luke. That was not the reason for my tears. I have treasured memories of the father I adored so much. Talking to you about your R with your D just stirred my emotions a bit. But I told you about him b/c he felt awkward about showing affection. I wish I could tell you much more about him. But I'll tell you a tiny part. He left his home when he was the same age as your D. He joined the military when he was only a 16 yr old boy. They didn't ask for proof of age. He looked older and we were in WWII, so they were taking anyone they could get. He made Sargent at 17 yrs old (but couldn't let the other men know how young he really was. Fighting that war made him grow up....and toughen up real fast. I suppose he had to find a way to deal with all that horror he saw. Later, I think he tried to not get too close to people for a long time. Shutting off feelings, etc.

After the war, my parents were M, and a couple years later I was born. My dad was really strict with me. Maybe a little too much, IDK. But he wasn't the kind to joke around or get down in the floor playing with the kids. I am telling you all of this to hopefully give a little idea of how he could be seen as cold or hard-hearted. As I said last time, my mother, and her family, was a living illustration for him to see how he could be different. And let me tell you.......different he did become! By the time I was 16 or so, he had reinvented himself. By the time he was a grandfather, he had become the kind of man who held his grandchildren in his lap, and got in the floor to play with them! I got to see him grow into that wonderful person!

I hope i didn't bore you with my going on & on about him, but Can you see why I wanted to share this with you? B/c I saw first hand how one person can change when they really try. He may have started fatherhood holding back emotions and feeling awkward about showing affection.......but he overcame it. And when he closed his eyes for the last time.....I was by his side. He was the greatest man I ever knew.

Yes I miss him terribly, but it is sweet tears I have in my eyes......not bitter one. He left me with sweet tears. I want your daughter to be able to say that about you one day.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!