melissa - gotta get back to me

[melissag]

My ex is the same way. I just dont understand how someone can be "friends" with over 400 people.

I think maybe there are circumstances where this is fine, but in my H's case, it stems from his need for constant validation from anyone and everyone. That's why he is constantly looking at his phone - who texted me, who tweeted me, who emailed me? Who liked my FB post?

I found that I started to get obsessed with who liked my FB posts - that's part of the reason I stopped using FB. I realized I was trying to find my self worth there . . . yikes.

My apologies in advance for what's coming, I am trying to work this out in my head.

I'm kind of confused about how to reconcile stating needs/boundaries with refusing to engage with my H, given his recent behavior.

I don't think that I need to constantly tell him everything I am feeling, and quite frankly, I don't trust him with that information anyway. But I do feel like when there is something he is actively doing that is hurting me and the kids, I can't just be a doormat to avoid pissing him off or dealing with his wrath.

I guess the idea of not engaging with him is really more geared toward not giving him more ammo against me, because that keeps the focus on me and what a horrible person I am. Which makes sense, but I can't just let him do whatever he wants that hurts me and my kids forever, just to make sure he doesn't have any ammo. I can only really make sure he doesn't have any actual ammo. If that makes sense. Meaning, I shouldn't argue with him or exchange nasty words, blame, accuse, etc.

Still untangling this jumble of thoughts in my head.