I have to put this out there, mostly I just need a show of hands to see if I screwed up.
So I had told myself all week I wasn't going to get any Valentines day c.r.a.p or text her or anything like that...well of course I'm full of c.r.a.p and last night I bought flowers. Nothing huge and overly romantic, no card, no message, just some flowers.
I stopped by her place this morning to drop them off. She liked them; smiled, said thank you, kisses on the cheek. We chatted about the kids. She obviously put no thought into this day at all. I didn't expect anything anyway so that's ok. I made no attempt to ask her for time tonight and she made no offers.
She called me later during the day to talk about kid stuff and mentioned at the end of the call she really liked them and it made her day...and again no attempt to reciprocate or make time ...as I expected anyway.
I did this because it would have bugged me if I didn't. I still have feelings for her (if anyone knows how to switch that off, please let me know) and I like doing this kind of stuff. It's not out of character, I always did this before she left too.
Was this a mistake? I'm told I was too nice and shouldn't have done it.
To be honest, all it did for me was highlight how the end is near and I'll probably be making the first move towards D in a few months. Her latest "there was no passion" comment is still ringing so loud in my brain.
It's clear to me now. She's not into me, she hadn't been for a long time. Her decision to marry me was a functional one. Now that I no longer serve that function, her post-cancer "life is too short" mentality just couldn't allow her to continue with this marriage.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
