I need all the help i can get

[melissag]

Hi, Recruit. I am sorry you find yourself here. No fun for anyone.

I think it's great that you are able to list the ways in which you contributed to the marital problems. Let's be honest . . . would YOU want to be married to the you that you described?

What are some good things about you? What do you have to offer your W?

It seems that your W is dissatisfied because you made things all about you. Now, she has someone who will pay attention to HER . . . that's why the OM is so attractive.

Get going on that self-improvement list, Recruit. Not for your W, but for YOU. You sound like you don't like yourself too much right now, and I can see why. Is this the real you, or have you lost yourself somewhere along the way?

Figure out who the real Recruit is, and get back to being him. The one your W fell in love with. Even if it is too late for her, it's not too late for you.

It sounds to me like you need to be in IC.

And please. Stop being needy. You are dragging your W down, that's why she wants to get away. Stop texting, calling, talking about your R. Don't try to figure out who she wants you to be and be that guy. (i.e., should I yell more?) Be who you are.

My advice for following Sandi's rules . . . remember that every time you break one, you are pushing your W farther away.

It's been said here before - you can't make your W come back, but you sure as heck can push her father away. STOP.

It's really hard to be here, and you need a lot of strength, but you will find you have more than you ever knew.

Hang in there.