I'm trying to empathize with your wife a bit here. It seems that she wants you to fight for her in some way. I'm thinking "out loud" here, but maybe there are ways that you can demonstrate that passion she is looking for without a direct argument with her. Think of it as a 180 of the behavior she expects from you.
What are some things that she's complained about in the past where you were passive instead of action oriented? Perhaps just a general attitude of taking life head on?
Your wife's words are actually a bit encouraging. It seems that she is giving you a chance to man up and compete for her attention. She's not going to actively participate- she wants you to stand up and take care of this yourself- but it seems she's letting you know that she'll be watching and will certainly notice your changes.
Previously you would take a victims stance in life- blaming others, being passive aggressive, whining. 180 these things as well. Shoulder blame, enforce your boundaries positively, stop complaining.
