Yes, your wife is detached from you - it's a self protection mechanism for her heart. To be frank, she doesn't even like you very much right now. Could you imagine someone you don't like, and aren't remotely attracted to, asking you for dates and explanations of your feelings? It would repulse you even more.
You must understand this, what she's feeling inside, in order to make the right moves going forward. I know it seems hopeless, but in fact it isn't. Statistically, men have much more success winning back WAWs than women do winning back a husband that's checked out. Why? I have no idea, but there is hope. You are the father of her children, so you are the logical choice for her as a husband. Unfortunately, her emotions right now are encouraging her to shut off and flee, believing in her heart that there is no hope for your M to work. She feels that you will never change (long term) and that she will never be able to love you again.
Your mission is to slowly give her the hope that she lacks- hope that you ARE changed, hope that if she returned it could work. Have you heard the concept of the love bank (or love tank)? You must start making little deposits into her tank by doing the things that mean the most to her. Slowly at first, more over time. Don't make a big deal about it, don't draw attention to it. Just plug away. You hope to get her to go from disliking you to feeling neutral. Then maybe a little positive towards you. This is when hope will enter her heart.
In my case I did this for a year and a half. She was still bent on leaving, but she had hope it could work. When it finally came down to decision time, she acted on the hope that she could love me again for the sake of our children (even though she still didn't at the time) and gave us one more try. That's the point where I ramped up my love bank deposits big time. I'm happy to say that, for me, it worked and she is very much in love again.
It was the hardest thing I even had to endure. There were times I felt despair and wondered if I was wasting my time. There were days I felt like giving up. I made mistakes. In the end, however, I kept plugging away, day by day. I did all that I could to keep hope alive in my heart, believing that I was the right man for my W and that I could change.
What are your wife's greatest emotional needs? What can you do to meet them?
