melissa - gotta get back to me

[melissag]

I will make sure the kids pack PJs and underwear . . . I just have to entertain myself (in my head) with these little ideas. It's what keeps me sane.

I really need to work on the "that's interesting" idea. My H wants me to watch the spending. Gee, if you didn't spend $3k a month on an apartment, and we didn't have to pay tens of thousands to lawyers, and I didn't need $1000/month in therapy, think of all the money we would have. Those are the kinds of things that pop into my head now . . . and I know they only drive me crazy. I just think that maybe being mad about these things helps me to be more detached? Is that a bad way to go to tide me over until I can be more detached and move on from the anger phase?

I am going to copy my little list above about what I know about H, so I can refer to it whenever I start trying to mind read or ask why. I hate that it's all true, but that goes in the giant heap of "things I can't control."

I think I just need to be very, very careful not to bring up any kind of emotions or feelings (or pointing out what a hypocrite H is), not try to explain or defend anything, and not to respond to any of the "I still care about you," talk, or the accusations or character attacks. I just have to refuse to engage in that at all and focus on the business at hand, whether it be the kids or the D settlement. Anything else I don't think I really need to be talking with him about anyway.

May the force be with me.