Sex-Starved??? That's an understatement!

[25yearsmlc]

I did not pick up ANY good feelings from you about her in the bedroom. You are saying things pretty different now.

I'm glad you re read your wording b/c it SURE Sounded like judgement and condemnation to me. Moving on...

You wrote:

Any attempt by me flirting (I have) or complimenting or listening (my 180 because I was cold and angry) have been met with hohumness. I understand this is part of the process.

You mean her not immediately reacting favorably to your apparent changes? Of course she is not ready to do that. To me it's clear SHE is depressed, and has felt rejected for some time. That does Not mean it's hopeless. She fears that your changes are not real OR if they are real they are temporary and you will revert to the rejecting critical ways of before.
So How can you "MAKE" her see that the changes in you are real and permanent? It's not with huge dramatic SINGLE gestures or wording that will aid you.

"DO the math."

small consistent changes + sufficient time = Change she can believe in...


Keep at it.

You also wrote:

Everyone around me that knows the situation says i'm just wasting my time and that things went on as they are for far too long.

"EVERYONE"?... I don't believe that for a second. It's just what YOU are hearing in your head the most and you need to ask yourself why you weed out the positives that others tell you. Are you looking for permission to quit?
(IMO If you cannot say that you "tried everything" to save your m, it'll haunt you later. I know you have not tried everything, b/c this DBing is different and new for you.)

And Here, NO ONE is telling you you are "wasting" your time. NO ONE.
How could self improvement be a "waste"?

Also,
If someone were advising your w that SHE had lived with far too much anger & criticism from you, for way too long, what would YOU say?


Right now i'm trying to be the best man I can possibly be regardless.

good! Just know that you must be doing it FOR YOU, not for her or to get her back. That would be a tactical strategy but it's not the same as desired personal growth and improvement.

IF you genuinely realize how hard you were to live with, and you really do change,
she will know and it will matter. "Do the math" about it and keep at it.

Yes we know your m has had serious problems for a really long time. NEITHER of you tried constructive ways to communicate or express your needs or to meet the other's.

But NOW you are getting NEW DIFFERENT TOOLS so for once, you are going to try something that might work, Instead of repeating behaviors that have never helped or have made things worse and then claiming to have "tried it all"...

so now there IS A CHANCE at a recon. But it will take much longer than you realize. ACCEPT that. I am not sure you are letting that sink in.

But if you become a better man for it, that is an end it itself.

For me it's the real goal of this. The real journey in life is an inward one. Dig deep and get some big boy panties on and KEEP AT IT...for you and for your son and yes, for her....

start with becoming a man YOU are happy to be.

Become a man only a fool would leave.