WAW seems confused

[ManHope]

Hey guys! Awesome to know there is a listening ear out there!

Here are my answers:

What caused your W to be done?
From day 1 to late 2012, we had done everything together and had no close friends (like girls or guys we would talk to daily) except immediate family.
I own my own business where we decided for her to come work in '09
As I became too focused on work, she started to pull away around late '12, making friendships at work with girls and a couple of guys (I started to feel jealous).
We had about 3 big arguments on 2013 which worsen our situation to cause the bomb. 3 arguments were caused by work related things and me being either jealous/controlling of situations. We had laid some people off mid year as business was tight and she wasn't happy about the people we let go. The final bomb was during her last week at our company. We had already agreed for her to work elsewhere and she was not coming anymore. Her two best friends were now two of my employees (They were too involved in my personal life). They were also slacking, which caused me to set tightened rules. One of them quit and the other was let go for insubordination. She was basically done after this.


What are/were her complaints?
1- Work related disagreements (we worked together since 2009 at own business). This change started the downfall. She no longer works with me since the bomb.
2- Me working too much. Not enough family time.
3- Me getting a quick bad temper with the kids (too quick to yell or raise my voice) (was worse after 2009)
4- Too controlling. Random rude acts: changing the music, criticizing when she eats unhealthy
5- Not quick to respond to her texts and don't always pick up her calls.
6- Dont pay attention to things she tried to do to get us closer. She tried reading a love language book and I refused back in early 2011. I didn't think we needed consoling or anything like that.
7- SL was fine but I begged too much (which made her upset)
8- Keeping record of wrongs (She made friends with girls and guys at my work. Early 2013 I confronted her about texting too much with a guy (it was friendly but too often) and I used it every time we fought.
9- Trust her - My trust for her diminished after #7. I started to act more snoopy and controlling.


What changes have you made since the bomb?
- We don't work together
- I dedicate time for my family. I am at home everyday before 6 and even cook before she get home from work. We have a role reversal now since she now works longer hours and I don't.
- I have my temper on check
- I let go of trying to control situations at home. I do my best to allow her to make mistakes.
- I started to detach toward end of Dec. I didn't expect things in return for any actions. I did relapse about 3 times and tried to talk to her again (even spoke to her mom). Last attempt was 2 weeks ago and it was my last. I am completely detached now (doing good at closing on my feelings around her). Practicing agape love is my path.
- I am attentive to her, listen more than speak and am always here to help her on anything.
- I started to work out heavily. Results show
- I got closer to God. I do turn myself to prayer daily. It helps me because I need to avoid from relapsing again.
- I volunteer at my church.


What is your definition of detachment?
Love without expecting anything in return and not being affected by the response you get.