You are sounding so much better and stronger. I do think that in time, you will find a way to have a better and more fulfilling life. It takes a lot of time, work and patience...but I have a lot of faith in you and you will get there!
As for how you are feeling right now? It's normal. You fought the battle and hoped he would return home and now that the battle appears to be somewhat over...your energy level has fizzled. You've been on your own for a bit and now that he's back, you aren't sure that the relationship w/him is going to be enough, etc. Give yourself some time to figure things out. It won't happen today, tomorrow or next week...but given enough time, you'll know if you want to continue on w/your journey w/him by your side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
