Sex-Starved??? That's an understatement!

[25yearsmlc]

Now my question is, is my situation too far gone? In other words,

We know what you mean. We all asked ourselves that very question when we were in your shoes. No one can answer that question. Well, at least not us.


has my wifes' resentment been left to fester so long (11+yrs) that I may never win her back?

First off, stop looking for a reason to give up.

Second, I happen to believe that love does not "die" a natural death. Yes, it can be killed. But it does not die on its' own.

Love can be covered by a lot of other layers, so that it cannot be seen or felt much anymore, due to those layers of resentment, betrayal, Fear, Rejection, neglect, the withholding of all affection...


(BTW, That choice of yours hit me as the strangest reaction to being denied sex, that I can imagine. Why not INCREASE the affection, but Detach it from sex?
SHOW her love/affection, without expectation (which is more loving than affection--foreplay--expectation.)

When men give or show affection ONLY to get sex, it feels a lot LESS like love, & a lot more like a step towards their own goal.

When the layers are removed, the love remaining is revealed.

Your job is to help remove the layers (and causes) of her pain, to the extent You cause or create or contribute to them.

I sense you'd like permission to give up. I'm not handing that out today.


She never literally communicated to me her unhappiness no matter how much I tried to address mine with her. SOOOOO FRUSTRATING!!!

I understand the frustration. Let me ask you a few things that might clarify.

When you say you "tried to address" your unhappiness with her, do you mean you complained to her about You being miserable?

And so now you are shocked that SHE is the one to leave. But to me, it sounds as if you came off as critical and cold to her.

Plus, you punished her for not wanting sex, by denying her ANY physical contact (which is 90% of how I get "in the mood". e.g., My h gives me a back rub, or just holds me, or we get affectionate and "one thing leads to another...")

I think not having sex for that long WAS HER communicating her unhappiness.

To me she sounds depressed and neglected. Having your son and finding his condition "challenging" is very upsetting to mothers, especially when he's the only child. How much was She responsible for his care?

What, if anything, would YOU DO differently if she were to return to you?

IOW, what would be better/different from before?

If you cannot list a few specifics, (at YOUR end, not hers)

your chances of recon successfully are much SMALLER.