Bottom of the ninth

[BklynMom]

Hi Guys - Just checking in. All is good here in NY. I think I was the only one happy today that school were open so that my kids would be out of the house.

Feeling good most days. Some days being a single mom is super hard and I curse the xH but its his loss missing out on my beautiful girls. I do get sad because it is also my girls loss not having a dad around.

Last night at bedtime I was talking to the girls about "Respect for All" week that they are having in school and how if you dont like someone you should just not play with them you can play with someone else you never say anything mean. D3 said well I dont like Daddy. I said "what. You don't like Daddy" and she says just kidding.

She is 3.

I have never said a bad word about him to my kids and always tell the girls Daddy loves you so so much. But I know they know. I know this has and will effect them both.

The other day I felt a pang of happiness when the girls told me H was using a car from work and not his GF car. Also felt happiness that GF has not been spending every weekend with my girls when they are with xH.

THen I feel guilt for caring wtf he doing and I feel bad for even having a ounce of hope.

I hate him so so much for leaving all 3 of his girls, it makes me so mad at myself for fantasizing about a ba$tard like he is. I did not want to hold out even the smallest sliver of hope for him I want to be done done done.

Thanks for listening