Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[labug]

I had an expectation and I got schooled.

I know my W knows I put my wedding ring back on. I also know that the one time we talked about it she said she wasn't wearing hers because I wasn't. At that point in time she said, "go get them, we'll wear them again." I didn't. I wasn't sure of my feelings on it. Then as a week went by I determined my feelings, which I posted the other day, and put my ring on for me.

I know wife has seen me wearing it, so when she came to pick me up for lunch yesterday prior to her IC session, I immediately scanned her finger for the sparkly, lil' b*tch. And guess what... nope. Not wearing it.

Of course she's not RT! You dingbat. What are you? 3 days post BD? You know better than to set expectations on your fragile, 4 month post-affair, piecing, vulnerable marriage.

Interesting. Changes to the way I approach all of my relationships have developed and grown out of my DB education and processing, but it's never really a course you finish or a test you pass. It's a life commitment to myself. To continue to challenge the way I communicate, the expectations I place on others or set for myself. Critical thinking. I'm really good at it, but I'm human and my heart sometimes runs away with the microphone to karaoke it's way through the day when I'm not looking.

Being able to have perspective and take a long look at our actions is so valuable.

I said something to my son a few nights ago that seemed completely innocuous on it's surface but it had shade. I was saying it to guilt him a little and he didn't deserve that. My insecurity leaked out.

It's so hard to move from our conditioning, but we'll never do it unless/until we can see ourselves with a critical (as in analysis) but loving, eye.

And as my IC reminds me, these are steps in a process, and it is a process, drop the timeline.