It is good to hear from you. I hope you are healing well. Your toughness and inner power (the Finns have a good word for it, sisu) is amazing.
This may be a jumble, but:
o I don't snoop, having realized a long time ago that it just hurts me. o D settlement here is simply 50/50, with no fault; my W said she wants half the house and then we are finished. o I can't afford to buy her out. o finances should be fine, as I am the primary wage earner. o d15 commutes an hour each way to school, and W works half way there. The most logical thing for W to do is get a place near her work, and so nearer d15 school also. o I could move nearer to d15 school also, but hate the idea of moving. o getting my d15 alone is important. She and W have adjoining rooms upstairs, with the door between them open, so it is hard to talk alone with her. o what do you suggest I say to d15? The primary thing for me is to improve my relationship with her. d15 and W are very close - they spend hours in adjoining rooms, every evening, and have their 5.30 breakfast every morning, without teenage rebellion from d15; I heard my W say once that she (W) is d15's best friend, and believe it. o do I tell d15 that I don't feel like I've been a good dad, and ask what I can do to improve our relationship? Do I mention a possible D? o I had been seeing a T here, but she is booked for a long while now, so I will Skype with T ee leader again, with whom I've had a few sessions. o yeah, I also have a feeling W will pull the trigger (sigh), and wonder what comes after. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes with a new woman, if I am lucky enough to find one. What can I do to prevent the same mess from happening again? The film last night (very worth seeing) was about the mess that relationships can be. o my life in California is so different, where I have a caring "family" (MIL and her boyfriend, with whom I live when there), and where there are fun meetups, and I have colleagues I see at work, and feel respected by. That is quite the difference from here, where I am alone so much. o yes, ee opened up my humanity and hurt and made me aware that I am responsible for my life. It would be wonderful to be near that community and support. o no, I have not retained a lawyer, as the no fault thing and my W's statements make this seem unnecessary. I know one, if needed. o I expect to see d15 50% of the time. o living 1/3 of my time in the US, and liking it in spite of the insanity, and having lived in other countries also, makes me open to all sorts of thoughts of where to live. Being near d15 means staying here though, even if it seems the least interesting place. o I would love to meet for dinner again, if you feel up to it. o the fundamental thing in this marriage has been the power relationship. My W outpowered me, dominated. I read that it is important to avoid powerful women for a man like me: can you imagine formulating the ad for such a person? (haha)
Thanks so much -
Luke
ps. responses to others are coming in separate posts.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
