But let me tell you something. SHE isn't pushing your buttons. YOU are. All she did was tell your family that you two were no longer together. It's just a matter of fact. Sure the timing stinks, but usually the WAS does something like that in light of a family tragedy to prevent any awkwardness in having to be together.
She hasn't done anything directly to you. YOU are accusing her of doing so.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Remove “think” – you did make mistake – now just own them and forgive yourself.
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I saw some stuff but never address the problem.
Why didn’t you address or discuss them? Think hard before you respond. Look deeper than the basic…”it was easier response”.
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I think that was my fought for not seeking help or addressing the issue.
BOTH of YOUR faults – not just yours. Own your role in it not hers. YOU did not put a gun to her head to have her contact her ex fiancé. She did that on her own.
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Once again I ignore that and refused to address the issue thinking we can't do wrong. I ignore all the changes. Never made mention of it or talked about it.
Similar to the above…why did you ignore it? There was a reason to it. Think really hard about it. Look in the mirror and ask yourself the question…why? You may not like the answer but that is really the start of 1) finding the root issue and 2) ripping out the root and finally starting to address it. Don’t be afraid Lost..it may hurt…for a short period of time..but you will be better for it.
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she called me a mess on several occasion, not necessarily because of my look but because I've properties everywhere. I own couple of investment properties.
How often and when was the last time? FTR, I have one and I have to say…I hate being a landlord. S*cks!
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In most cases I don't listen. I still do me by working with this tenants. She was right. Why will I allow people to take advantage of me like that.
Hmmmm….see a pattern here Lost? “Take advantage of me”. Why do you think people do that? Do you feel people take advantage of you? Do you love yourself? Oh…and she was not “right” per se. At the end of the day, everyone has be comfortable with the choices that they make for themselves. If deep down inside you really felt like owning the investment properties was something that you wanted to do for yourself – that is oky. My point, is right now, you need to be careful not to take everything that she says to you as gospel.
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I blame the housing market for not able to sell. To be honest, I never made any effort. I bought them for retirement and wasn't willing to let go.
Why did you just not tell her that they are for your retirement? Once again, look inside – do you see a pattern? Oh…and chances are you probably could not have dumped them – the market although coming back is still a buyers market.
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I think i also gave up on me
Why? IMO, I believe the answer to this question is the really the BIGGEST issue you have.
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I stopped biking and going to the gym. I eat a lot and gain few pounds.
Sounds like you were depressed. Were you? If so, why? Do you have a history of depression.
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I know now that money doesn't buy happiness and love.
Yet your actions….kept doing the same thing. Maybe because it was all that you knew?
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Do you think I should still communicate with after telling me our marriage is over for now?
IMO, no. I would only communicate about your daughter. You first step right now is to really work on YOU. Right now you are not in a position to really have a healthy discussion with her. You are still way too emotional.
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She said she's not in a rush to file but not willing to work on our marriage
At some point you will realize that YOU say when this is over. Not her!
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I'm also arranging to go to Disney land with my daughter next month. I bought the airline ticket this afternoon and looking on PL for some deals on hotel.
This is GREAT! Have a great time.
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pls don't give up on me
I am not the one you need to worry about. It’s YOU. Do not quit on YOURSELF!
Look man, I am sorry about your sister. Right now you have a lot on your plate. You are pissed that she told your family. Okay I get it..now get over it and get back to focusing on YOU. Lost – right now….she is all about herself. You think she is doing stuff to YOU. Sorry but you probably do not matter right now. Accept that. It does not mean the M is over. F*ck do you know how many people on these boards have been told the M is over. Bradley11 wife told him several times. It is over when YOU say it is over.
Your really pisssed off right now…it might be a good time to go for a run, or a walk.
Turn off you phone, turn off your computer and just relax. Instead of focusng on her…spend some time asking yourself the really hard questions…
Does Lost love himself….
Does lost want to fix himself and become a kick as* dude again…
Right now…honestly – F her. It is about YOU lost. It is about YOU.
So are you ready to do the work now?
Ready to become that man that she just may come running back to…
You know how to reach me..
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"Sorry for the delayed response. ....was sick at home with a cold and I was away from work, but she's much better now. I have always loved ..... and still care very much about him. My feelings over the past few years have gradually changed and I have talked to ......on many occassions about how unhappy I am. I am not sure why I started feeling this way but I do know that ..... is not to blame. However, I am sure that us living apart and my feeling like a single parent definitely did not help the situation. I know that he is now willing to move anywhere I am just to be with me and ....., but I'm afraid that it may be too late. Our marriage has never been a traditional marriage. We've lived 8 years more as friends rather than husband and wife. It saddens me that .....feels that I've abandoned him during these difficult times, and that he has supported my career goals for 8 years only for me to walk away. I know that he only wants a chance to live together as a family but I believe that this will only be a recipe for disaster being that I am no longer emotionally invested in this relationship. I know that ..... is not taking this well. I am trying to be there for him the best way I know how"
That was one of the email she sent to one of my sister. I don't quite get the reason for her forwarding me this email. Just to correct one or two things in that email. She never said she was unhappy. Not until now, that affair is involved. 2) she knows why she's feeling this way. Another man is giving her all the attention she want.
May be too late because she's enjoying a physical affair with a young man. I'm only trying to correct some stuff in that email. Anyway, I need you guys help with looking at that email.
Great advice above...Very solid!! I am going to CURRENTLY disagree with MR B....Currently being the big term. I don't think you are in the place to talk with the wife yet.....I just don't see you being able to control the pain in your gut YET. Give it some time, you will get there, but right know I think you will get sucked into R talks, etc way to easy and fast. You have time...she has given that to you. Use it...It is a gift.
The Email....There really aren't any surprises in it are there Lost!? We have all kind of pointed those things out about your marriage. Good stuff actually...Now we start on getting you to a place where she wants to become emotionally invested in you. Not talking about begging, pleading, whinning, or guilt tripping her there.....You become the man only a fool would leave and then MAYBE...just MAYBE....she becomes emotionally reinvested. Yes, we do things that seem totally unconventional and back words, but the WORK.
Forget about the affair....it is a symptom, not the cause. You are a doctor....so the difference should be pretty clear to you.
Deal with your part of the cause....and usually the symptom goes away.
