Unlearning Conflict Avoidance - 9

[25yearsmlc]

Here' the thing....Luke...it comes across as if you're AFRAID of your own house! In my own home, I can walk into any room as I darn please and nobody is gonna stop me!

You do own the house, right?

EXACTLY^^^...L, I know you still have feelings for your w & we are pro=M, but not at all costs.

Although I'm not sure what your attraction is based on in terms of having such bad treatment for so long, and yet sort of claiming to have had a good m in the past...I bet you did. But how long ago was that?

ALL indications are that it is ending, and ending soon...what have you DONE differently around your family?


And how long do you think your son & daughter can stand to see you treated this way?

Oh, Wonka, He owns it! And He earns 80% of the household income, too. No alimony in Sweden, which surely LL"s wife knows by now.

That happens to make me think she may have OM (in mind at least.) LL, I'm NOT suggesting you snoop b/c I agree fully with the DB book that snooping does NOT help.

But would an A make ANY difference to you, L? IF so, what?

Snooping makes you crazy. Please don't do it.

But since your w has said she has made PLANS to divorce and she has Acted on those plans, I assume she knows the financial realities of Her choices. Yet she has said little to nothing about a settlement, that I recall. As if she's Not worried about it, which is odd. I mean, she's less concerned about money than any stbxw that I know of...

Hasn't she merely suggested living arrangements, and you helping with your d's schooling, which necessitates a move from you to be near your d?

As it is planned now, your w is removing your d from the home in a matter of weeks for the other school, right? So it sure seems like the m is ending in a few weeks. Your d is leaving the home. Have you two spoken about THAT?

IN these remaining weeks, you come here and you post questions that show me you are still "wondering" and "asking IF" and "HOW" you can go upstairs to spend time with your d.

LL, try to see this from a few steps back. The finish line is in sight.

I feel as if you are "thinking about racing" but the thing is, the race is almost over now. Whether you ran well before, is not today's problem.

How you go from this day forward, IS.

Luke, I hope in the time you have remaining in your home,

you'll at least act as if you belong there. And you must talk to your d. Think of some of the EE exercises and you can imagine a way to reach her. Open ended questions and of course, no W around...

You are going to be alright. Are you still seeing a T there? Are they helpful? I'm sorry if that offends.

You're simply one of the smartest, and perhaps among the slowest to act, around. It's an interesting (sometimes frustrating) combination.

We've met, so I can tell folks, you are very different in person than what is presented here. At least now you are. I can't speak to who you were a decade ago.

I know one thing. You had an awakening about half a year ago at the EE Workshop. You are beginning to use some new tools and to implement a plan you are forming for how you want to live the second half of your life.

I'm just wondering how long you'll take to implement the PLAN itself. Not making a decision in these circumstances, I believe, IS a decision --

and choosing to wait & hand your future over to a person who has open contempt for you, in front of your two kids, is a bad choice.

You need to be in DAMAGE CONTROL now.

The only two things that matter are how often you'll see your kids and asset protection.
LL, have YOU retained a lawyer?

How do you feel about the finances if she does what she says she has planned (and set a date for)?

Yes L, I'm sorry but I do think she will file.

I think for HER, she has seen too little change in you, and Lord knows she has her own issues, but deep meaningful communication has been absent for a decade. That is quite the chasm.

Your life will get better. But look out for your kids more actively. A lot more actively...please, for their sake and yours.

((( )))