The W came home last night and I gave her a hard time. I was chasing, moralising and giving her a hard time.
Again this morning, I tried to talk to her and it didn't go to plan. She is a very hurt woman and nothing I said seemed to get through to her.
We went for a drive and talked for a couple of hours. She is unsure how she feels. She admitted that she has been having an EA and that she has struggled keeping non PA.
She doesn't want to destroy out little family but says that she can't continue with the way things are.
I feel a little better today having started taking my AD meds. Obviously it takes time for them to work but I feel a little more in control and calmer. I slept for 6 hours last night - the most I have had in months by a good 3 hours.
Just before bed she asked me to read her FB messages to her best friend about the EA OM. She wanted me to know how she had been feeling and what I was up against. I freaked a little inside, but I think she was very surprised at how well I managed myself.
She stated that she is pleased I am on AD and that she hopes I can become a better person. She won't help (I don't need or want her to). She supports me but said she won't actively work on us or give me another chance.
She said that she loves me, and she won't do anything to deter me or make the situation worse. She has to work with the EA guy, away from home, every week. She has a strong emotional attraction to him and he has made physical advances which she didn't know how to deal with but didn't go anywhere. Of her own will, with no pressure from me, she has said that she won't persue the EA further, she will keep him at arms length and let him know that she values her marriage & family no matter what state it is in.
I'm interviewing for a job tomorrow. She doesn't seem too keen on me getting it or too hopefully that my depression will help me too much when I meet them.
So this is last chance saloon with our R. How to I begin instigating 180s? What us my plan of action?
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
