separated 8 weeks still on the journey

[Mic]

Hi Paul
I'm a newcomer to this board but I see that your wife is completely immersed in equestrian sports. Are you? My H was/is completely jealous of the relationship I have with my horses. I see that as one of the barriers that I did wrong in our marriage. I put them and our farm above him. I also didn't realize how supportive he truly was and is still in the midst of our severe marriage trials with the horses. Do you feel that way? Did you ever help out? Shoveling? Supporting her and your daughter at events? Are you the show dad now for your younger daughter. Want to do a complete 180 then get involved if you are not already with horses. Take some riding lessons. Your wife may not say anything but in her mind if horses are her "first" love you will definitely shock her that something you "don't like" you are willing to try. Offer to pay for a horse clinic for her. Tell her no strings attached I just want you to enjoy this time away from me and I know you love horses. Then give her the gift and don't mention it again.
Look at it this way - If your wife loves horses let her enjoy that gift.. I'm assuming she probaly does the pricey showjumping/dressage. Is anything about horses cheap?
Horses love you no matter what. They don't care how rich/poor you are/what you look like.
Think of your wife as a horse. It is your job to gently train it or be the "horse whisperer"
I work with abused horses and when they first come in they are terrified. It takes days/months sometimes years to completely restore that trust. One false move and your back farther than when you started.
"Be gentle"
I can tell you for a fact that if your wife deals with horses she has intense inner strength let her use that to come back to the marriage. I always tell my riding students that if you can control a 1200 lb animal then nothing or no one can hurt you. I have had to learn that myself again and again in the midst of this trial by fire. Let your wife find her healing in the horses.
I can also tell you she probably feels guilty about how much money she spends on horses. Even if she never said it. If you can forgive that and go forward.
"There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man"
Just my 2 cents.