Originally Posted By: trc2009
How does one resist the urge to say during a separation, "You want out? Get out!" Essentially, kicking her out.


Some of us have modeled a similar convo to that after Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough". Basically I told my W that I wanted her to stay home and work on the M with me, but if she felt leaving is what she needed to do to be happy, then I would support her in that decision. In Dobson's book he calls it "opening the cage door". The WAS feels caged, your job isn't to push them out of the cage but rather to show them that the door is open and they can leave whenever they want. In DB'ing terms it's part of "removing all pressure" from the WAS. Sometimes they'll leave and sometimes they decide not to, but you have to be ready for either to happen because it is not your choice, it's the WAS's.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57