Oh man. I know how that feels. I found out a few weeks ago my ex has been seeing this guy from online dating of all places. She swore to never do online dating again after the first time we broke up. I know the pain you're feeling. You just wanna swear and freak out. It will pass but it still stings.
The only thing that helped me was to picture all of her bad qualities that this new guy has no clue about. I tried to focus on things that I accepted about her that not many other guys would. It's tough but you will get through this. I know I'm not out of the woods yet but I know acceptance does exist.
Good luck man.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
Love ya man. We have been there. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. The more you try, the more it will make her angry and make you the bad guy. Detach and detach now. We know the pain brother. No more snooping...you have your answer. Don't hurt ourself more. Detach and start dealing with yourself. If anything to say, wait several days so you are clearer and more relaxed. Do not tell her you snooped. Just detach. Act as if. She is on another path right now and you do not have a say in it. Look after you and your boy. You will feel proud of yourself that you are a great dad and look after what is important.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Sorry to read of your recent discovery. Kgirl is right, you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.
AnotherStander gave me great advice. He told me to think of the worst even if I don't have concrete evidence. If it is not a deal breaker let it go. Do not confront W if at all possible it only makes things worse for YOU.
I did this, I thought what would be the worst possible thing that could be happening with my W and OM if there is an EA/PA. It was extremely painful, I let myself feel this pain for 24/48 hrs.
I decided that I had nothing to do with what is going on and my W chose this I didn't force her to do it. I know I love my W and I want to work on the M if at all possible. I let it go!!
She is on a journey of her own and I/you must let that happen.
When I let go of all the pain, I was still hurting but I was a stronger person and I started to Detach a little more. Knowing that if W ever confesses to the subject of an A, it will be better than if I confronted her in an emotional outrage. Who knows maybe the whole thing could be just me overthinking and struggling.
I have confidence in who I am and know that whatever happens I/you will be OK regardless of the outcome.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
IAnother question I've seen posed on here - is an EA or a PA a deal breaker for you? If not, then it doesn't matter right now. Go take a break, do something you enjoy, and wait to revisit this for a while when you can look at it without the "in the moment" panic/anxiety you're experiencing.
Okay Im going to take a break, but this feeling I have is actually worse than BD. At this moment I feel it is a deal breaker. I have tried so hard to change and do 180's and be a better man and she is further and further along her path. She doesn't even seem to care as much about the boys as she use to. She barley spends any time with them. Its all about her.
Originally Posted By: FloydMan
If anything to say, wait several days so you are clearer and more relaxed. Do not tell her you snooped. Just detach. Act as if. She is on another path right now and you do not have a say in it. Look after you and your boy. You will feel proud of yourself that you are a great dad and look after what is important.
Floyd I can barley breath right now. I will wait a few days as everyone suggested, but Im strongly considering that Im going to ask her to leave. (she can go stay with her parents who live less than a mile from us) She's still on my case too and I have been nothing but pleasant to her.
Guys I really dont know If I can handle this. This is toooo much for me. This OM is a true dirt bag with a felony and a DUI a Marijuana charge within the last year. I bet WAW doesnt even know any of this. My WAW is "supposedly" a good Christian women and wants our boys to be raised according to scripture. She is currently the farthest thing from a Good Christian women.
I am hurting so bad. Im completely Numb!
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
Its hard to accept but nothing you can say or do will stop this from happening. She has to discover herself that he is a loser & that you will be the better choice.
WAW will have a different view of this than you. You call it snooping, she will consider it as spying, controlling and invading her privacy. All the more reason she will justify in her leaving.
After discovering my wifes EA I send him an email asking him to respectfully step back as I am trying to save my family. Needless to say she heard about it and called me a controlling bully for "threatening" her friend and invading her privacy. More justification in her mind for leaving.
Take time to think about this before you react to this terrible news. We all feel your pain. Remember its a marathon not a sprint. A very rough, emotionally challenging marathon and you will come out a much stronger individual, with or without your W.
Stay strong!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
I agree with above. It is not easy. It hurts. Remind yourself it is a script that they follow. Nothing you say right now will convince her. The OP in my case is a train wreck. sound familiar? I too would like to ask, but know it does me no good. I also know that op will never be me. Can't hold a candle to me. A day at a time. Its what we have to do.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
AnotherStander gave me great advice. He told me to think of the worst even if I don't have concrete evidence. If it is not a deal breaker let it go. Do not confront W if at all possible it only makes things worse for YOU.
I did this, I thought what would be the worst possible thing that could be happening with my W and OM if there is an EA/PA. It was extremely painful, I let myself feel this pain for 24/48 hrs.
I decided that I had nothing to do with what is going on and my W chose this I didn't force her to do it. I know I love my W and I want to work on the M if at all possible. I let it go!!
She is on a journey of her own and I/you must let that happen.
Great job Nit, and now here you are paying it forward! That's what these forums are all about
I feel for you. Resisting the snooping/looking for answers is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with as well because it will only make you worry. But it has to be done for your sake/sanity
I'm in a VERY similar situation during my separation with my wife. Without making it about me, my wife and I have been separated for a few weeks. An old friend of hers (who she hasn't seen in years but has Facebooked during our marriage) made some stupid decisions and went to jail for a couple of years. He just got out last month and he messaged her. He texted her a few times and she told me. Once we were separated, it was no longer on her to tell me if she's been texting him. When I left the house last night (we had a really good night) I thought everything was good. I get on Facebook this morning and she made a comment about something she did last night. He had a response that implied they at least texted or talked last night after I left.
But that is her journey and you and I can't change that for them. At some point sanity will set in for both of them (from what you say your wife is a pretty straight laced person who would never consider talking to a person like that let alone exhchange several texts). There really isn't a "bright" future with those guys.
To them, right now, they may seem like a better option than you and I. And it's up to them to come to thier own conclusion.
I've only been here a few days but this place provides SO much clarity and understanding. Stay strong.
Me: 33 W: 27 S: 5 D: 2 Bomb: 1/2/14 First Separation: 1/25/14 MC: 2/7/14 (one time only) Moved Back in: 3/31/14 W says she wants a divorce and moves out: 7/26/14 Appt to sign dissolution: 12/30/14
Take time to think about this before you react to this terrible news. We all feel your pain. Remember its a marathon not a sprint. A very rough, emotionally challenging marathon and you will come out a much stronger individual, with or without your W. Stay strong!
I will take the time and wait a few days, and it is horrible news. How the heck am I suppose to act As If, and maintain a PMA when I know what the F is going on?
If you look back in my thread I kept saying no way there is OM, and maybe there wasn't before, but there sure as heck is now and he's 10 years younger. They have exchanged over 200 text/pic messages with the last 10 days.
Honestly Maritimer, I dont know if I can handle this marathon. I live with WAW and its going to take all that I have to not say anything when I know she's texting him and Im sitting right next to her. Or my boys are asking her something and shes to busy texting her BF to respond to them. WTF
You know what else bothers me? She appears to be concerned about be me and my well being, but at the same time looks for any reason to snap at me and turn things around to make me look like the bad guy. Maybe its manipulation! Maybe Im being a doormat! I feel like I have Zero control over anything. I originally agreed to sleep every other night on the blow up mattress, but now I want my room/bed back. Is that too much to ask? I mean she is the one who wants out, why to I have to suffer on the blow up mattress.
I know I haven't been in this very long, but I can truly see and feel that this woman wants out, and I dont think there is anything else I can do about it. I really dont know much anymore.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
So I literally haven't been feeling well the last 2 days and slept in my bed. ( well last night she didn't get home till 11) so that doesn't count in my opinion. So tonight I said W I'm still not feeling well. Would it be alright with u if I have the bed again?
She immediately got pissy and starting telling me her problems and why she should have the bed. I said I'm sorry but really need a good night sleep and I feel like cr@p. She kept getting pissy and I finally said IM sorry u feel that way but I'm sleeping in the bed. Good night W. She replied back with a snarky Good night H.
I initially agreed to swaping ever other night on the blow up but it's getting old fast. Am I wrong for wanting the bed. Am I wrong for thinking that WAW is the one who wants out of this marriage and Why do I have to sacrifice the bed?
Dam I feel soft. Why am I so worried what she says or how she feels. She is out there right now texting OM and trying to convince me that I'm not being diplomatic.
Help please. Or kick me. Of tell me to STFU. I'm going crazzzzzzy.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
