I don't know if you thought that was how long we were apart? My H was gone for 7 months. I was talking about H and OW were broken up about 3 weeks before we reconciled.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I don't know if you thought that was how long we were apart? My H was gone for 7 months. I was talking about H and OW were broken up about 3 weeks before we reconciled.
I did think 3 weeks was how long you were apart. Which is too fast, imo. But 7 months COULD be enough if tools and personal growth were the focus while apart.
Often the only thing the LBS wants (or believes they want) is a reconciliation. IT's such a bummer to see a couple "try" to reconcile but to do it in a way that is so Unlikely to succeed long term.
There are a few couples out here where an A has happened, and the LBS thinks that "if only" the WAS came home, all would be well.
Then they come to find out that their anger (the lbs's) prevents or hinders a real reconciliation The anger of the LBS can be so great that they are blinded by rage and the desire to punish and "WIN", (which happens more than we care to know).
Even when they don't know ahead of time, the desire to be declared "right", or the mistaken belief that by "making the WAS learn his lesson', the LBS is safer in taking the wayward spouse back if they punish and make the wayward spouse suffer some more...
ends up being like he's (the LBS) who holds the affair over the head of the WAS and months and even years down the road, they'll throw the affair in the face of the wayward spouse, holding it over their head for a LONG time.
That type of "recon" ends badly. Do you see what I mean?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25y Yes, I can see your point absolutely. I can honestly say I never held his A While we were separated against him. We talked about it as well as my OM to him. We did try to implement the tools we leaned in therapy and books we had. However over the years of my H starting a new career, 3 years of schooling, training and financial drain. We couldn't keep up on us. Then the many failed attempts to get a job in his field I believe sent my H over the edge.
But yes, I agree we needed much more help than that and Ow/om were not what we ever caught about. It was the above. Thank you.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I see now how you have to be in training before you jumping back in. I didn't know that and wish I did. Funny in 2006 no one very mentioned it and if they did I guess I didn't take note?
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
My S3 ask H if we could all go together to game and H said no. S asked why? H said because I said. That's fine with me my S is disappointed. H been pretty grouchy and distance this week....
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
