I'm in, wife's out

[trc2009]

Thanks Accuray! Taking the eye off the ball is one of the hardest things to do from what I've found so far. Especially in todays age of social media, cell phones, etc.

It's hard to tell myself to keep cool. She knows that I'm pretty uncomfortable with her communicating with him. She says they only text on occassion but I guess that goes back to rule 30 of the 180. I'm not concerned at all about them having a PA (unless it's phone sex or something like that) because of the distance & the fact that I know she knows there's not a REAL future with him because of his past. He's a nice guy, but a bit of a deadbeat.

If she's having an EA, at some point she will likely realize on her own that it's probably not appropriate. Since some stuff is broadcast on Facebook (albiet very little stuff), her family knows that she's talking to him. I get along well with her family but I haven't spoken to ANY of them since the separation and don't plan to. But they had no idea she's starting to communicate with him. Now they will thanks to social media. And they DO have judging eyes and they do know his past (let's put it this way, they won't be pleased). Why bring the subject up with her when they'll do the work for me? At least that's the approach I'm nearly forcing myself to take because confronting her about it isn't going to do me any good as you mentioned.

Regardless, I'm still thinking it's innocent for the most part. She probably thinks she's just being his friend but in reality she's trying to probably focusing on someone else who has "issues" only to avoid her own.

And the enabler part is a FACT. Since the separation, I've done everything in my power to surround myself with people who are generally good, fun people who have no personal baggage of their own.

She on the other hand has done the exact opposite. She will not communicate with her family about our problems because while they love her and support her, they won't understand her reasons for her actions. And she knows that. But she also has two female friends that she talks to constantly. Nice enough ladies but they have monunmental baggage. One just got over an emotional affair with a guy and was on the verge of leaving her husband. They just started working on things the last my wife talked to me about it (before our separation). The other has been separated twice from her husband but is currently back with him. They've been going to MC for years.

Again, nice ladies but TONS of baggage.