Reaching out for support and advice 3

[bluesgal]

Oy, My GAL activities are awesome. I am out several days a week with the kids at games, out to eat. On the weekends I go to parties, up to my parents cabin, I'm doing an exercise charity event with a friend this weekend. I've been getting much more involved at church. Shopping has been a fun one. I am GAL like crazy.

The tough part comes to me out of principle sometimes. I start to feel like, why does he get away with this? Why should I put up with this? Then the hurt. Only people down this road truly understand how it hurts to have all you good memories erased and rewritten. It sometimes feels like H has stolen a piece of me.

I typically have much stronger days. I had a great talk with my dad last night. His advice typically falls under DB advice. He said to basically forget about H. Move on and if he decides to show up down the road and is ready to do the work, then I can decide if I'm up for it at that time. Otherwise, forget about him. It makes it easier to have that attitude.

Him blaming me is a real button pusher that I have to work really hard to ignore lately. I have to make myself shrug my shoulders and say to myself 'whatever'. Part of the frustration of it is the untruths and the other is with myself for having engaged in arguing with him and calling him out over the last months to just allow him to have leverage to keep blaming.

Sometimes DB makes sense and sometimes it defies all my instincts. There are days when I need to learn to smile and shut up.