She left - My Story, First Post

[25yearsmlc]

I understand the difference and see that putting down the dog would warrant emotional and physical support.

Here is where I am confused and need advice. The W just emailed and asked if I could drop off kids at school Thursday and Friday.

This is because she has to wake at about 5:45 in order to get ready and by at my house by 6:45. I know she is working on her Doctorate and needs the time to complete assignments.

I would have to come in work later on those days, which usually isn't a big deal.

It makes me mad that this would not be in issue if she had not left, and I would not have to go to work later.

IF it is not a big deal, then it's not a big deal. Don't pretend otherwise to punish her, b/c that is what it is. Punishment. "IF she had not left..." then I would not have to make this "no big deal" sacrifice.

What are you trying go model here, for her, behaviorally?

But... In the past I have been putting work before family which is one of my issues that I want to change about myself.



Gee, this seems like an obvious opportunity to show a 180, right?

I see three possible decisions:
1. take the kids to school those days
2. let her keep the kids those days
3. tell her I want the kids and I cannot take them to school, she it the one that left and will have to figure it out

I am leaning towards #1 as it I can do this without issue and it would show that family is more important than work.

Is this the right move?

it's easy to rule OUT #3, I hope.

and #2 Is the same as #3, but without admitting it is chosen to punish her.

Remember what my DB Coach said, ( and please forgive me if I am repeating myself) that

it's NOT our job to fix our spouses or "teach them a lesson/show them the consequences of their actions".

LIFE DOES THAT^^^^ for them.

Don't use the "I"d just trying to detach/Not enable" excuse, to disguise the underlying emotional cause of you choosing 2 or 3, which is to manipulate them by withholding an asked for favor, i.e. to withhold the request by your w, which you admit it NOT a big deal for you.

Again, think about your goal....

what would doing either #2 or #3 show her about you, really?