25Years: Yes,I had the affair twice. When I ended the affair the first time, W insisted on counseling, which I agreed to. After the first 2 sessions, it appeared to me (because of my state of mind) that the sessions were solely about my A and not about the communication and lack of intimacy issues W and I had. After the 2nd session, I checked out mentally/emotionally from the counseling. I took the easy way out and went back to the OW where I could get validation. I went to 3 more counseling sessions with W, and then finally confessed to W after we had gotten home from the 5th (and final session).
In terms of compensating for the hurt I caused, I agree with you. I believe there is room for me to do that. But as Bond said in an earlier post, I have asked her (as well as her family)for forgiveness. I have apologized many, many times to her in our conversations. W believes my regret and remorse is sincere as she has told me she believes it is. But in every conversation she always tells me how this is all because of my A and that she is the victim of what I did. Based on that, I don't know how else to compensate for the hurt caused. I continue and will continue to take care of the cats. But as Starsky pointed out, should I really be helping her with matters that I had previously done in the H role? I'm not sure.
With regards to the lack of ML. Last time W and I ML'd was Feb of 2012. I believe I pursued her in that regard. Flowers, telling her how beautiful she was. I don't mean to share too much info, but there were many times I tried to get her to shower together with me. Things like that. We had always been compatible until about 5 years ago. So perhaps it was the menopause. But I do believe that I tried what I could in regards to showing her she was wanted and desired in a physical and emotional way. Where I failed in that regard is by not talking to her about it more. As I said before, we would laugh and joke about it....I don't think either one of us knew how exactly to handle it. I share in that responsibility. When her parents became sick and we took care of them before passing, all our issues were placed on the backburner.
Thanks to you and Starsky and Bond for the prior posts. It gives me lots more insight and helps me to look at the situation in different ways.
